addiction, alternative, depression, independent, literature, Uncategorized

Alien Nation

I don’t know why I bother. Screwed without the meds I need. Last time I was off them I ended up in the hospital in handcuffs with what they would have termed multiple -self-inflicted lacerations, if they had bothered to take off my coat. I didn’t even get a single goddamn alcohol swab to disinfect, they just closed on their own eventually, though the scars are still easily visible. Well over 100 & then I stopped bothering to count. Psychiatrists or family doctors won’t help because I don’t want to take seroquel. Could be because I’m autistic, not psychotic, I need anxiety treatment & seroquel is more sedating than a shot of heroin. Stuck in the grey area of suboxone, weed & occasional lines of free cocaine. I said that the doctors have become the dealers but the truth is they were always dealers. Pushers. I never had anyone push morphine or meth on me like they pushed Zoloft, Paxil, Seroquel, Celexa. My serotonin levels have been chemically altered since age 11. I am a product of a drug company & a complacent, idiotic society.

Want to know why Trump won? Because the left became so divided over semantic issues & infighting about privilege, race & sexuality. We police language more than we do politicians. No one says the word “nigger” anymore but cops still shoot unarmed black kids every god damn day. Trans rights are growing, we have trans athletes, politicians, actors but they still don’t know who murdered the girl in that Toronto ravine. We vilify the convenient. Louis C.K. is a fucking pervert & the news is all over it. Karla Homolka is free, walking around, having a family while deep in the evidence lockers there’s a video of her and Paul torturing, raping & murdering her own teenage sister. Why are we not outraged at that too? Digital society has the memory span of a goldfish. Trump doesn’t know much but he knows how easily his supporters, or the rest of the world forgets. Despite the Weinstein fallout this admitted sexual predator holds the highest office in a decaying superpower & no one can do a fucking thing, if they even remember.

Journalism school taught me a lot. Mainly that I don’t want to be a journalist but also that the most important information is between the lines. Everything has a bias. The way you word something can change its meaning entirely. You can make insinuations without outright saying what you mean, influence  the way people interpret information by putting it in a certain way. Quotes & photographs taken out of context are frequently used this way. John Lennon’s “bigger than Jesus” quote being the most famous example. How many people actually read the whole article?

This is alienation, anomie in the digital sense. I am nothing. I am nobody. One of billions. I’m not writing this for you, for anyone. I’m just screaming into a screen. I don’t trust anyone, especially myself. I’m bleeding my anger here so I don’t bleed it out in reality. I keep a box of vintage, yet perfectly sharp razor blades in my breast pocket. My cat died last week & I liked him more than any of you. Why couldn’t it have been me? Why do I survive intentional self-destruction and others around me just die. I want out, god do I want out. I love my friends but I don’t trust them & I don’t matter much to them. I only really trust two, maybe even just one. I’d hate to cause them pain but they’ll get over it. I think I’ll talk to the doc about switching to methadone. Supposedly its more addictive, more sedating, & more dangerous. That sounds perfect to me. The Johnny Thunders method. Born to lose. Its a lot harder to lose than it is to win.

Jack Blare, -2017

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addiction, independent, literature, Uncategorized

Unqualified Cops

In Britain they’re fast tracking university grads to become police detectives in just 12 months. This is an awful idea. It takes years to become a doctor or lawyer because if they screw up it could ruin or end someone’s life. You need a thorough knowledge of medicine or the law. They can be disbarred or have their medical licenses taken away. Police have weapons and arguably the most power over people’s lives and their profession takes less than half the time to qualify for than a law degree. They could use that extra time to study the law, how to deal with the mentally ill, how to properly diffuse a situation. We’d have less police, sure, but they send two cruisers just for suspicion up here. It doesn’t take four armed officers to bust a stoner.

They could spend that extra time learning more about serial killers, rapists, murders and organized crime as well as physical activity. The tuition could help pay for the police budget. Why does it take seven years and an exam to practice law but only a year’s training to enforce it? Instead we have ignorant, lazy and vicious police officers that act more like paramilitary thugs than protectors of the innocent. They should definitely have classes on racism and race relations. The problem with cops is they don’t care if they break the law, they shoot black children and get “suspended with pay.” Its basically a paid vacation and then they’re back. Every time you use violence it gets easier from a moral standpoint. Cops use unnecessary excessive force and become desensitized. They start to see criminals, “the enemy” as less than human, racism plays a huge part of this.

Poverty breeds crime. Eliminate poverty and you eliminate most criminal activities. If a guy can’t find a job, has no house and no chance of economic improvement in the mainstream society then he will turn to break and enters and muggings, if drug addicts could afford their habit and have easier access to treatment facilities they wouldn’t need to steal hand sanitizer and drink it.

Instead of focusing on petty crimes like drug possession or theft under $1000 the police should seek the root causes. Prisons are crowded with mentally ill and otherwise homeless people. It costs the taxpayers $100,000 a year to keep someone in prison, this doesn’t include the huge legal fees the government must pay so they can employ judges and prosecutors. This money could be spent on police reform and tackling serious crimes, like gangs, mass murderers, rapists, abusers, pedophiles and serial killers.

Focusing on the people who sell drugs to pay for their own habits and even the people that buy them, while their supplier just replaces them is a huge waste of time and money. Violent crime and sexual abuse need to take priority over noise complaints and kids in trouble for smoking weed. That criminal record can impact their future employment, leading to poverty which circles back to crime.

We don’t need an militarized police force that protects property over people and has incredibly low hiring standards considering that they are able to use and abuse lethal and non-lethal weapons. The public fear them but don’t respect them. They are corrupt, many break the law consistently and they often take out their anger on whomever is unlucky enough to fall into their hands.

So fire the lowest level of cops. Retain those with ten years experience or specialized training in forensics. Fire the enforcers and raise the requirement to seven years university education. Personal and psychological reviews should be mandatory every six months to a year. Internal affairs must be replaced and they must purge the ranks of excessively violent or racist police. They must be ruthless and independent from mainstream law enforcement.

If their job is so serious that people could die then they need to keep their standards high when selecting officers. As they swear to uphold the law they should be punished more severely than civilians for breaking it. They must sign an agreement allowing for increased penalties to acknowledge that with their privileges come responsibilities. The current system is insular, they protect their own and function just like an organized crime group. They don’t punish their fellow officers even if they empty their guns into mentally ill teens or little black kids.

With seven years of education and a job on the line, as well as increased sentencing for breaking laws they swore to enforce they would be less likely to abuse their positions. The amount of time and effort they put in to become officers will weed out those who are joining for a salary and benefits or because they want to feel more powerful carrying a gun from the ones that are genuinely devoted to protecting and serving the public. It can be paid for with the money saved from our currently overtaxed legal system, and tuition could either fund the police or be free.

We’d have less officers, and we’d have to increase their salary to one fit for people who put their lives on the line in defence of the state. In my opinion one excellently trained and intelligent officer is worth more than five cops that don’t even understand the laws they arbitrarily enforce just to get off on beating some homeless hippy kid. Right now we have a surplus of officers that cause more death, more crime, more pain and more suffering than most petty criminals do. Most addicts and muggers haven’t even fired a gun, but they are treated with contempt by a state sanctioned organization that murders and oppresses the poor and the vulnerable.

No one trusts the police anymore. They don’t have neighbourhood cops anymore and rotate out of an area every two years which is not enough time for them to know the community. Reports of police brutality occur almost daily now, often supported by video evidence. The current organization is not effective and its hands are stained with blood. We need police reform worldwide, though this mainly describes the U.S. and Canada.

It should take just as much time to gain the ability to take a life as it does to save them. With such short training they often panic and more people are killed by police bullets than terrorists each year in North America. Who is the real enemy? The one over the sea or the cop who empties his clip, killing or paralyzing bystanders, even children. They might be trained in how to use a weapon, but what they don’t learn is when to use them. We both literally and figuratively pay the price. More police won’t help the situation but better trained and educated cops will.

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addiction, free verse, independent, literature, Uncategorized

Dystopia 2018

Jack London warned us, then Huxley & Orwell, Ginsberg, Kurt Vonnegut, Anthony Burgess, Phillip K. Dick, Hunter S. Thompson, Lydia Lunch and Warren Ellis to name just a few. Even I warned about it, for the past eleven years. Born into the last generation that will remember what things were like before everything changed, before the world went digital, before cellphones were popular, right before the internet, years before social media and just prior to the collapse of the Soviet Union. Despite all the warnings progress for profit pushed on & now we’re all hooked up like IV lines to our phones & internet. Most people don’t notice, some don’t care & some see it, hate it but can’t pull the plug. We are living in A Brave New world, its 13 o’clock, year of Our Ford 1984, computers & phones can listen to us, pretend to be off while recording. We have pain rays and devices that can map out the interior of a house from the street. Facial recognition, biometric data. Our internet history is logged, locations pinpointed, advertisements targeted. Cameras film nearly every street, bystanders film everything else. Cars can be hacked into and controlled remotely. There are reports of technology that can transfer thought into sound. I wish these were just conspiracy theories but it looks as though true privacy is going to become a relic of the past unless you choose to entirely disconnect yourself from society. If you want to see a dystopian society most of us just need to walk out our doors. Designer drugs, fluorescent fashion, widespread addiction to drugs, porn and technology, constant surveillance, wilfully provided private information shared with multiple parties, increasing violent attacks by disaffected youths. A police service that protects their own interests at society’s expensive & serve as a kind of corporate paramilitary. They protect windows from being smashed and pepper spray unarmed protesters. Property uber alles. We’re in the shadow of the Iron Heel, spiralling into ignorance & indifference. The iron fist is closing around the Western world, though we can still escape its grasp now, each day the grip gets stronger.

Jack Blare, 2018

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addiction, alternative, depression, Erotic, free verse, independent, literature, poetry, Uncategorized, underground, writing

One Night Stands

Simply aren’t worth it to me. I get the attraction. Easy, no strings attached sexual pleasure from a total stranger you hope not to see again. I understand it completely but it is not my cup of tea. When you don’t like drinking & you go to parties the brutish & peacock-like advances of your inebriated peers become painfully obvious. I get second hand embarrassment from it and it happens between men, women, trans people, gays, lesbians, anything with a libido & a liquor bottle. Now I don’t mean to say that I’m sober at these events, but a coke head, a junkie or a tweaker tends to stay a bit more aware of their surroundings, as crazy as that sounds to most of you. I’ve had to deal with some drunk girl’s emotional breakdown right after injecting a bunch of morphine & coke only for her to pass out & forget all about it the day after.

Even when you’re both sober its awkward. You don’t know each other’s turn ons, you don’t know what will send them into the throes of orgasm or walk out the door. Thus it tends to be boring & lacks intimacy. I would want to at least like someone before being inside of them, once a girl I was chilling with left to get laid with a total stranger then came back to hang out for a few more hours. Like I’m 27 and on a ton of meds, we’re gonna need at least an hour to pop that cork. Also I love giving oral, no one wants to use dental dams, lets be honest. I’d like to be reasonably certain that this is not going to result in a venereal disease.

I don’t think I’d fuck someone I didn’t trust to some degree & I don’t trust strangers at all. I’m not looking for a romantic attachment either but there has to be some kind of intimacy there or it isn’t worth it to me. Why act like a drunken fool trying to pick up girls in a bar? No good relationship I heard of ever started out in a bar. Instead of buying drinks for myself & some physically attractive woman who prefers Beyonce’s to Aretha’s I might as well stay home jerk off because even if we somehow ended up screwing it probably wouldn’t get me off. At least stay the night & spoon or something.

In the end if there isn’t some sort of spark there won’t be no fire. I’m content to watch the hookups & the breakups from my lovely little bubble of apathy & thank god that I don’t have to please anyone but myself.

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addiction, depression, independent, literature, Uncategorized

Is Addiction a Disease? Why that Question Doesn’t Really Matter

Is addiction a disease? The question is one of the most divisive in the world, drawing strong opinions from both sides. The argument is usually “well its their fault for taking drugs, no one forced them to.” True, but overdoses are still medical emergencies dealt with by trained professionals working in the healthcare system and doctors and psychiatrists are an integral part of any rehabilitation process. If you break both of your legs in a ski accident this is a direct result of you choosing to go skiing, it is a serious medical issue but no one blames the patient, not so with addiction, no matter how severe or life threatening the symptoms can become. Who deals with broken bones? The healthcare system. Cancer? The healthcare system. All of these share something in common: they are medical problems dealt with by medical professionals often in clinical or hospital settings. Whether or not addictions fit the definition of “disease” is not the real question for those who are fighting them, both addicts and healthcare workers. We want to know how to combat the agonizing  symptoms of withdrawal and the rising tide of overdoses so people don’t have to suffer from the pain and stigma that comes with a life of addiction.

Alcohol, barbiturate and benzodiazepine withdrawal all lower the seizure threshold, possibly to the point of death. If you try to withdraw have a seizure and die you can’t really quit by choice, you’re just dead. Methamphetamine is neurotoxic but amphetamine is not, but both are addictive. If something can alter your brain function to the point where not taking it anymore can and does cause delirium, seizures and death is that a choice? Should they have kept using the substance? Would you take the risk of losing your life and the certainty of an agonizing and long withdrawal period that may leave you in a permanent state of dementia at a young age? Is that so different than type II diabetes, most often caused by a poor diet? Should we deny insulin to people with type II because they possibly “brought it on themselves” or should we treat every patient equally, recognizing that abscesses and diabetic comas are both medical emergencies?

No matter how you look at it the people who actually deal with treating addiction are paramedics, nurses, doctors and psychiatrists. What do they all have in common? Medical training. Getting hit by a car is not a disease yet its still debilitating and requires medical attention. This is nothing more than an argument over semantics. So call it what you want but the fact is that addiction is still a medical problem, treated by people trained in healthcare and part of the healthcare system. The same system that produces and overprescribes Oxycontin, Vicodin, Fentanyl, Alprazolam, Diazepam and amphetamines.

Rabies is a disease but if you handle wild animals and leave bites untreated how is that any less your fault than getting an abscess from an infected injection site? If you walk around on a bunch of scrap wood in sandals and get tetanus from a rusty nail its still your fault but we don’t stigmatize people for getting tetanus shots. If you choose to work with ebola patients but don’t protect yourself properly did you deserve to get ebola? Those actions led directly to infection yet we don’t stigmatize font line healthcare workers in areas known for deadly and incurable tropical diseases or people with Cholera for drinking from a contaminated water source.

2,500 people have died so far in B.C. due to drugs laced with fentanyl. You might do heroin every day for years without ODing but be dead in minutes from taking your usual dose because someone laced it with a few micrograms of a drug 100 times more potent than morphine. Whose fault is it? The addict who needs to keep using because he can’t afford to take two weeks off work to go through withdrawal because he has a family to support or the person that sold him what is essentially poisoned heroin? 2,500 people dead, all with families, friends and people who cared for them. The toll will probably pass 3,000 by the New Year. It has been consistently described as an “epidemic” and the way its spreading resembles that of a plague outbreak.

When I hear that someone died in a car crash my first instinct is not to say that they shouldn’t have been driving on the highway even though had they chosen not to they would still be alive because the manner of how someone gets sick or gets hurt doesn’t matter, they are still injured and need help. How many high school kids have broken their necks playing football? Do you go up to their parents and say “Well the idiot should’ve played golf then he’d still be alive.”

I guess it comes down to whether or not you value human life. Whether or not you want to be a part of the solution or just another person standing on the sidelines but if you aren’t going to do anything to help, if you have never been on the front lines of the opioid crisis or lost a friend or family member to addiction, seen firsthand what it does to their children and communities then do the rest of us a favour and just shut up and stay out of things you know nothing about.

-Jack Blare

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addiction, alternative, depression, free verse, improvisation, literature, poetry, politics, Uncategorized

Right/Left Alt-Right/Alt-Left

What an idiot I was to equate the old doped up psychedelic left,

Black & White Panthers, John & Yoko, John Sinclair, MC5, Bob Dylan,

With the new synthetic one.

Beyonce & EDM, Mumford & Sons & a bunch of similar sounding shit.

The old left marched, they fought, they demanded

Equality, peace, legalization of all drugs & fucking in the streets.

The alt-left is almost as white as the alt-right but they’ve taken white guilt to the point of flagellation. I took sociology, psychology, & statistics in college. Most kids learn them from memes. Cut away all the important information and leave the slogan. The new left are invariably well-off, white & post on everyone’s behalf, whether they are wanted or not. The political spectrum is a big circle. In the middle of the top is moderate democratic socialism aka Canada. On the bottom centre of the circle is anarchy. No laws, rules or government, everyone agrees. To the left of this is Stalinism. Economically communist. methodologically totalitarianism. To the bottom right of anarchy you have fascism. Capitalist economics with totalitarian government. Thus any system of government can theoretically be totalitarian, other than true democracy and anarchy.

The destruction of books, of knowledge, like the nazi book burnings were controversial because they represent a rejection of intellect over emotion, they represent human experiences & culture. Words from 200 year old novels should not be changed because they offend someone from the 21st century. That is how we lose original works. Censorship is always the first step towards a totalitarian government. Words are neither good nor bad, merely vehicles of interpretation. Just like Pravda, alt-left events want to know what you will be saying so that anything that doesn’t toe the party line gets no voice. The left, my own leaning, is focused on equality in the future, integration of races and anti fascism. The alt-left is run by successful millennials, usually white and mostly uneducated past high school. They cannot distinguish between debate & battle, they are more interested in semantics and sensationalism than serious politics, such as pronouns & safe spaces. Problem is anyone who expresses any slight disagreement gets a dose of social media mob justice. Things like “properly gendered pronouns” have become political talking points while they sign death warrants behind closed doors. Drone strikes & bombs. I found that looking anyone in the eye and shouting ‘hey you!’ is an effective pronoun for almost everybody.

The left fights the right & now alt-right, while the alt left fight among themselves & the old school lefties. Getting offended is now a full time job for most of these people, again usually affluent & white. They act like insulting their former allies is some heroic act but really it just alienates most people with a working knowledge of history & politics. At the core though they are afraid & disgusted by the people they so nobly defend. Prostitutes, drug addicts, the mentally ill. They also tend to be the most crass, non-politically correct but not hateful people. The homeless. Everyone looks the same at rock bottom. Even though the hipster alt-left they take pills, snort coke & methylate it by mixing it with liquor they still think they’re better because they’re afraid of a little blood. Half of all smokers will die from smoking. Its deadlier than a coke or heroin habit, but then again most people don’t cut their blow with benzene and arsenic. I watched someone wither and die of cancer in less than a week. Waste your time exercising and eating well if you want, he was the most fit person I knew. Use your life before you lose it.

Sure being white & straight is great but being a suicidal, autistic drug addict isn’t such a great privilege. Losing my dad at 65 and now my cousin at 45, while my other cousin is in the ward for another suicide attempt is not a privilege. Unless you actually know a person (I mean really know) making judgment calls about their “privilege” is a privilege in and of itself, most of us are just trying to manage our own lives as its not my business to manage anyone else’s.

I was recently told to stop bitching & do something with my privilege.I spent the better part of a decade working in harm reduction & LGBTQ awareness (2005-2011). I did human rights articles for the school paper, wrote and edited for a magazine for at risk youth, drove a kid to his Hep C appointments cause I felt bad. When the funding stopped I made my own zine. Been the keynote speaker for a number of charity events, opinion writer on politics, drug policy, discrimination, literature & human rights. I work closely with a feminist icon who has been centre stage since ‘77 & makes Bikini Kill sound tame, yet still I get accused of “bitching” ‘cause I don’t want to be compared to the people that tried to rape my mother & did successfully rape more than five of my friends. Wold you like to be compared to Madam Mao simply because you were born with the same sex organs? Eva Braun? Countess Bathory? Bloody Mary? She loved to burn protestant families at the stake.

I saved people from jail & from overdoses but I should have used my privilege to support a cause more worthy. Not like any of that money went towards shelters for abused women, oh wait, it did. I went to college, took journalism, ethics, history, women’s literature, statistics (they are almost always incorrect & easy to manipulate) poetry, politics & a study of addictions. I published and edited three poetry collections, one from an ESL man from India, another from a mentally ill local poet & one from a former poly substance abuser. I lost money on all of these but Put in my own because I saw potential in them. Helped friends put together their own zines & chapbooks at 0 charge. I thought maybe I was doing something worthwhile with my life. Evidently I was just “using my privilege to bitch instead of for the greater good.” A phrase used to justify the means to the end. Ironically it was a common fascist slogan used to justify the murder of the infirm, insane & disabled. I was never told what this greater good was. Capitalism? Christianity? Upper middle-class white feminism? Sobriety? It certainly wasn’t the opioid crisis or autism awareness, not class drift or overmedication of youth. Structural functionalism maybe? A place for everything & everything in its right place. I think that mentally ill women need more of a voice in society than neurotypical & I did not charge her for editing or publication. I thought we could se more diversity so I took a chance on a book written by a man in India, judging by local sales people here are kind of racist. So what is this greater good? Good & evil are subjective ideas posing as absolutes. Good is a matter of perspective. Good is boring. I answer those that need me & do what I can. What is everyone else doing that surpasses me so much? I live below the poverty line with autism. I do

A friend of mine personally found 68 people dead in the government housing complex he works at. 6 years of schooling. Do you all carry and understand how to use naloxone? Its free so their should be no reason not to have it. When I was a junkie I had a few half-assed interventions but if I OD’ed no one could have done shit. Another good friend spends his time helping his 91 year-old grandpa & volunteers at a soup kitchen.

“All men are rapists.” “All Germans are Nazis.” “Women aren’t funny.” These are all ridiculous blanket statements that everyone knows are not true. Its too bad if you don’t like it but I’m a man and I don’t want to be compared to the piece of shit that sexually assaulted my friend when she was 5, whatever the hell your political agenda is. As anyone could tell you, some of the most notorious concentration camp guards were young women like Ilsa, ‘The Beast of Belsen”. Karla Homolka has a new family while somewhere in an evidence locker is a tape of her & Paul raping and murdering her teenage sister. Murder & rape are not sane acts to commit. You cannot teach a pedophile not to rape anymore than you could’ve taught John Wayne Gacy not to eat people. They’re both sick for life. No right minded individual would commit rape. It has been a capital crime for thousands of years, should be again. People tell their daughters to be careful because they know they can’t trust their sons. Unless you Clockwork Orange style condition it out of them somehow before they’ve tried it.

In a perfect world we’d teach our children not to rape and murder & they would listen. We don’t live in a perfect world, we live in a fucked up, sick one. The only person you should ever trust is yourself. You can be an idealist & try to end one of the oldest crimes in history through a vague education plan or a realist & know that if it comes down to a fight you have the advantage. I weigh just over 100lbs myself, I’d rather be prepared to defend myself if need be.

Oh & I do believe that rapists, potential or otherwise should be afraid. Not of being falsely accused & blowing their brains out before trial. I think that they should bring back capital for rapists, first degree murderers, child molesters, mass murderers & serial killers. Want to make them afraid? Send them to a special room with a sloped floor, put a bullet in the back of their skulls and let the bodies roll down into a heap for easy disposal & hosing off the blood. The Soviets were efficient executioners. Make their peers watch, but for fuck’s sake make damn sure they’re guilty before you pull the trigger.

The disunited infighting of the new left has alienated its best supporters. Black Panthers were more okay with white people than BLM, seeing as thy ran heroin and shot at the police instead of ended up cordoned off in the “protesters safe room” times are logged and registered, moles in place, police brought in to ensure than nothing happens to change the status quo. People with signs chant & feel better about themselves, rubber bullets and pepper spray manufacturers get rich and nothing changes. Almost 60 years since Kent State now. They’re making you feel like you’re making a difference but the laws stay the same or get tighter & it gives the cops a chance to beat on civilians, their favourite pastime other than shooting unarmed black kids. You need leverage to change things in politics, & memes are not leverage.

The alt-left is so my way or the highway (aka we never took rhetoric) that people who were on the left before it was trendy, the one’s who helped LGBTQ rights become mainstream and lost friends over it or got in fights to protect others feel marginalized now. We were a means to an end and now that we aren’t needed its “white fuckboy” or “ciscum.” We still go to punk shows and fight racists using our fists. Give change to the homeless  Act friendly & kind to strangers. Not out of any perceived obligation to a poorly defined greater good, but because we have empathy. We do what we can when and if we can. No more, no less.History is filled with examples of human beings doing good & terrible things. No race, culture or gender is immune or innocent to human flaws. Nelson Mandela was a hero to Black South Africans but his wife was notorious for ‘necklacing’ opponents to the ANC by shoving a tire over their body so their arms couldn’t move & then setting it alight where it would very slowly and painfully kill the victim by cooking them alive. They stayed married. Does that mean Nelson was evil? Thats up to you, the point is that oversimplifying complex situations will cause more harm than good, The last thing anyone wants is to start a cycle of blood vengeance. No two people are the same

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addiction, alternative, depression, Erotic, free verse, grunge, improvisation, music, poetry, rock, Uncategorized, underground, writing

DSM II

We’re all beautiful and immortal when we’re dead!

I’m Johnson! I’m Jones! I’m Hank the First, Hendrix, Janis & Jim.

I’m Kurt’s used spoon. Death makes us immortal.

What? I thought you liked danger. I always fell for the ones that dressed bad all in black, ripped jeans booze & anything you’d do I would JoanJett’s, Brody Dalle’s Patti Smiths… Lydia Lunch’s

Punk Rock Virgin Mary Magdalene’s & I was just a virgin carpenter.

Teens like the idea of rebellion. I was a stay at home loser who found

Themselves used to a dull personality in lines of white,

In coloured pills & needles.

No one else but Jake n’ Mikey had it in them.

If you’re going to do it go all the way, or stick to the plan.

9-5 pay taxes, drink to sleep all week, do blow to stay up all weekend.

Rinse & repeat.

Quiet & peace until you look like a joke out wasted with your single best friends & you chose it. Mix it up, take a girls, take a boy, pick a fight,

But every mainline is a round in Russian Roulette.

Hoping each shot will be the one to shut these people up.

If you’re might not die then you’re not living.

I see my cocaine & raise it 24mg of hydro.

My bird’s heart is flying north & fleeing south at the same time.

Flag, thick red vein blood push, too wired for tired to strung out to care.

One ends another gets prepped, I add an ampule of liquid midozolam,

Handful of beezo pills, old OC & some free Montreal speed.

I wonder if death will be the only cure for this dull night.

Getting buzzed, stoned, intoxicated was boring by the time I was legal.

Each hit should be enough to kill yourself, each failure is just another chemical in the chamber, fentanyl & ice.

Death walks by three times daily.

I feel pity for the ones invested in TV & pop music who want more than

Just rehashed resin.

I used to think Bob Was crazy for quitting Sonic Youth.

Found out he quit, & yes Lydia is a far better kisser according to B.B.

Who’s been in NYC since the factory days.

When I found Dylan the Velvets & Patti were the next to blow my mind.

Then Sonic Youth Death Valley’69 Lydia’s demented orgasmic blood curdling shrieks.

Sonic Youth went indie-grunge trying to get their favour back for taking Nirvana on tour in ‘91.

The Year Punk Broke, directed by a teenaged Dave Markey, a friend now.

It broke because SY had the talent, Nirvana had the soul.

Meanwhile in the dirty downtown NYC clubs where this music is at home….

-Jack Blare

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