addiction, free verse, independent, literature, Uncategorized

Dystopia 2018

Jack London warned us, then Huxley & Orwell, Ginsberg, Kurt Vonnegut, Anthony Burgess, Phillip K. Dick, Hunter S. Thompson, Lydia Lunch and Warren Ellis to name just a few. Even I warned about it, for the past eleven years. Born into the last generation that will remember what things were like before everything changed, before the world went digital, before cellphones were popular, right before the internet, years before social media and just prior to the collapse of the Soviet Union. Despite all the warnings progress for profit pushed on & now we’re all hooked up like IV lines to our phones & internet. Most people don’t notice, some don’t care & some see it, hate it but can’t pull the plug. We are living in A Brave New world, its 13 o’clock, year of Our Ford 1984, computers & phones can listen to us, pretend to be off while recording. We have pain rays and devices that can map out the interior of a house from the street. Facial recognition, biometric data. Our internet history is logged, locations pinpointed, advertisements targeted. Cameras film nearly every street, bystanders film everything else. Cars can be hacked into and controlled remotely. There are reports of technology that can transfer thought into sound. I wish these were just conspiracy theories but it looks as though true privacy is going to become a relic of the past unless you choose to entirely disconnect yourself from society. If you want to see a dystopian society most of us just need to walk out our doors. Designer drugs, fluorescent fashion, widespread addiction to drugs, porn and technology, constant surveillance, wilfully provided private information shared with multiple parties, increasing violent attacks by disaffected youths. A police service that protects their own interests at society’s expensive & serve as a kind of corporate paramilitary. They protect windows from being smashed and pepper spray unarmed protesters. Property uber alles. We’re in the shadow of the Iron Heel, spiralling into ignorance & indifference. The iron fist is closing around the Western world, though we can still escape its grasp now, each day the grip gets stronger.

Jack Blare, 2018

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alternative, depression, free verse, independent, literature, Uncategorized

Life’s What You Make It

Rowland S. Howard said that on the last album he released before he died of liver cancer in 2013. Then Bowie and my father, 2016, cancer. I’ve seen a healthy life wither into nothing in a matter of days. I’ve looked into somebody’s eyes the moment their consciousness left their body permanently. These things change a person’s perspective on life. You could spend a decade looking for perfection but you won’t ever find it. It doesn’t exist. Perfection is perception. Experiences & creations are all we have. Everything else is borrowed. Its bad luck to strike a hand outstretched in genuine apology. Pretty soon people will be scared to open their hands to you, as well as their hearts. My heart was a red ball of yarn being batted around by kittens who suddenly became alley cats and sunk their claws into the flesh of the hand that had loved them and would be stroked no more. Sometimes I think of. her, my friend and sometimes lover, but differently than she thinks of me. Now she’d rather not answer and we haven’t talked since the 31st of January. What a sad end to a long semi-relationship. I knew it was bad news. Knew it would end badly for one of us (probably me) but my heart wanted her even as I knew she didn’t love me. In the end. I guess I lost another friend or two this week. One of ‘em I loved but doesn’t love me, its okay because I have Lunch as much as anyone can be loved by a force of nature with a cigarette and glass of white wine. She teases my dreams, Siamese Queen keeping me alive. I made two peace offerings at personal temples & lit incense. Neither goddess deigned to answer me. A profound sadness stole my mind and threatened to direct it towards destruction. I fought my demons the Western way, with sedatives, hypnotics, minor tranquilizers and weed. I know what you’re thinking: it’ll catch you someday and you’ll pay the price for the peace of mind most people don’t need to buy. Well it hasn’t caught me yet and I’m gonna push it  until the whole world feels my fire. Or feels like fire, like living withdrawal hell. Not like I haven’t been there before anyway, and I’d have to dig deep to beat my own record. Who cares about the future? Tomorrow we might die. Tonight I want to feel fine. A couple of drops of ETZ, a couple of Klonopin and life looks way better from this angle. So what if people who once told me to call them for help turn their backs & stay silent? In the end everybody does & maybe I had it coming anyway. Who knows? Who cares? What good is a memory anyway when the days are all sad and exactly the same?

-Jack Blare

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free verse, independent, literature, Uncategorized

Facts, Opinions, Rights & Self Entitlement

Fact: You’re entitled to your own opinion and to voice said opinion.

Fact: An opinion not supported by these is either subjective or incorrect, meaning its worthless. Subjective: I like vanilla ice cream. Objective: North Africa,specificallythe Barbary Coast was the centre of the African and European save trades, long after it was banned by the British Empire or the United States.

Fact: Being righteously offended, whether the insult was perceived to be or directed at you is not a human rights violation. Being offended is a privilege enjoyed by those lucky few of us who live in nations that tolerate their citizens talking back.

Example A) Dreadlocks are cultural appropriation from the “black” culture.

A quick search of history proves that dreadlocks were worn by ancient Celts, Greeks, Hindus and people with long hair. Furthermore claiming a hairstyle as a part of “black” (in this case African American) culture is a gross oversimplification. Dreadlocks are only symbolic to Rastafari culture in the West. Not all black people are Rastafarian. It is a religion almost unique to Jamaican expats and Jamaicans themselves. Emperor Haile Selassie of Ethiopia was a firm member of the Eastern Orthodox Church. Haiti was the first black republic, dreadlocks are not symbolic there anymore than wearing a cross is here and most ancient African cultures seem to have cut their hair in response to the heat . Most glaringly excluded and overlooked is Africa’s huge black Muslim population, who again have nothing to do with dreadlocks yet are black and thus African Americans presume to speak for them. Its comparable to saying that eating sushi is only for asian cultures, ignoring landlocked nations like Cambodia or Laos, or that the Irish are known for their bullfighting skills and olive groves because Spain is also part of Europe and they do that there. So before you claim anything as belonging solely to white or black people, ask yourself if you are accurately portraying the feelings of all Rastafarian, African American, African or Caribbean people, or all Europeans, half-euorpeans and expats.

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addiction, alternative, depression, Erotic, free verse, independent, literature, poetry, Uncategorized, underground, writing

One Night Stands

Simply aren’t worth it to me. I get the attraction. Easy, no strings attached sexual pleasure from a total stranger you hope not to see again. I understand it completely but it is not my cup of tea. When you don’t like drinking & you go to parties the brutish & peacock-like advances of your inebriated peers become painfully obvious. I get second hand embarrassment from it and it happens between men, women, trans people, gays, lesbians, anything with a libido & a liquor bottle. Now I don’t mean to say that I’m sober at these events, but a coke head, a junkie or a tweaker tends to stay a bit more aware of their surroundings, as crazy as that sounds to most of you. I’ve had to deal with some drunk girl’s emotional breakdown right after injecting a bunch of morphine & coke only for her to pass out & forget all about it the day after.

Even when you’re both sober its awkward. You don’t know each other’s turn ons, you don’t know what will send them into the throes of orgasm or walk out the door. Thus it tends to be boring & lacks intimacy. I would want to at least like someone before being inside of them, once a girl I was chilling with left to get laid with a total stranger then came back to hang out for a few more hours. Like I’m 27 and on a ton of meds, we’re gonna need at least an hour to pop that cork. Also I love giving oral, no one wants to use dental dams, lets be honest. I’d like to be reasonably certain that this is not going to result in a venereal disease.

I don’t think I’d fuck someone I didn’t trust to some degree & I don’t trust strangers at all. I’m not looking for a romantic attachment either but there has to be some kind of intimacy there or it isn’t worth it to me. Why act like a drunken fool trying to pick up girls in a bar? No good relationship I heard of ever started out in a bar. Instead of buying drinks for myself & some physically attractive woman who prefers Beyonce’s to Aretha’s I might as well stay home jerk off because even if we somehow ended up screwing it probably wouldn’t get me off. At least stay the night & spoon or something.

In the end if there isn’t some sort of spark there won’t be no fire. I’m content to watch the hookups & the breakups from my lovely little bubble of apathy & thank god that I don’t have to please anyone but myself.

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Neo-English AKA Newspeak

Orwell’s 1984 arrived a bit later than expected, Huxley’s a Brave New World got here early. Developed nations now have the technology & capability to take ideas from both novels & smash them into a Dystopia with a shot of Phillip K. Dick to round it off. There may be future dystopia’s but writing a dystopian novel now is like writing a newspaper. A robot has become a full citizen of Saudi Arabia, with all the rights and privileges that entails, which aint that many in Saudi Arabia. They should have just stuck a dildo to her last minute and dressed her in a flak dress.

Japan has pill dispensing machines on the campuses of its universities. They stock mainly psychiatric drugs, I’m guessing SSRI’s, Adderall, Ritalin, Vyvanse, Seroquel and Wellbutrin. Adderall Ritalin, Zopiclone & Vyvanse to enhance performance, Benzos to kill the jitters & Zopiclone or Seroquel to knock you out. Leave your brain a foggy mess but you’ll come down like a stone from an airplane. Dubai has robotic “police officers” that mostly direct lost tourists. They also have a hover bike that can go fifty feet off the ground. All our social media is logged. Our favourite music, movies, books, food, relationship status, political convictions, sexuality, employment status. All freely given. Like the Stasi’s wet dream. The police have a device that can use a cellphone to create a 3D image of the room its in, and who and what is in that room. They log where you go, how often, note the regularity. They monitor your bank accounts for money you can’t explain getting. The illegal wiretapping and filming done in A Scanner Darkly, has already occurred multiple times. The Scanner sees everything we do, hears what we say, predicts how we’ll think. The predicted drug epidemic came true too. The police are just the military arm of the politicians & bankers now. They’ve made a business out of misery. They use military gear. Like S.S. men or Gestapo.

This brings us to Neo-English which I will now refer to as Newspeak. The era of text and instant messaging has led to a severe degradation of the English language, to the point where it should be considered a sort of pidgin creole type of English. This isn’t mere slang, its a paradigm shift in linguistics. It is newspeak come alive.

“get woke”

“gtfo”

“terf”

“Bae”

“Bad Bitch”

“lol” as punctuation.

It goes on and on. What actual words they know they misspell and none of them read. I’m fucking 27 and I see that. Idiocracy was right when they said that “the English language would devolve into a hybrid of hillbilly, inner city slang, valley girl, and various grunts. Joe spoke to them logically and passionately, in plain English but to them he sounded pompous and faggy. He only drew big gales of stupid laughter.”

The idiots are reproducing at an alarming rate. “Earth aint the kind of place to raise your kids, in fact its cold and dark.” -Elton John

Neil Postman rolls in his grave. Amused to Death indeed.

Jack Blare, 2018

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DSM IV

Just like one line or one shot was supposed to kill me? Had a better chance of outliving half of all smokers, & that was when I was mixing coke & smack. Of course coke and smack wouldn’t have rat poison in them if you knew your dealer but every drag you take is chock full of delicious arsenic & benzene. I mean I shot speedballs dozens of times a day hoping to end it al in a glorious sleep from which I never wakel & half you lazy, hazy buggers get a slow, horrible way out, impotent, holes in the throat the type of cough that never shuts off. The warning is on every box but still I am the one who’s going to be stealing your meds while you struggle to swallow them. Don’t worry, I’ll never teach a friend to shoot. I really don’t care either way, I just can’t stand the gas-nosed, coke sniffing, self-methylating & speedballing with the one downer you never ever mix health trip. Ten years, half on the needle. Even the shittiest hard drugs are better than the best mass-manufactured bottle of beer & box of smokes. Like stats? Half of all smokers will die because they smoke. Combined between IV smack heads & speedballers I still got an extra 12%, more pleasure than you could handle without puking & dram keys to new dimensions and I don’t even want to be here tomorrow. I’ve had cigarettes, smack, ice, blow, nitrous & weed. What’ve you got? A 30 second head rush & a tiny dopamine trigger gives you a chemical pat on the head? No real rush, no right red blooming from the veins, no 5 4 3 2 1 7 the subway train hits the station. Jesus son? More like Jesus’ daddy. Not young no more. Poor cousin 18 years my senior left behind two kids after a few days against cancer. Odds are that old age is a thing of the past.

We’re all beautiful and immortal when we’re dead!

I’m Johnson! I’m Jones! I’m Hank the First, Hendrix, Janis & Jim.

I’m Kurt’s used spoon. Death makes us immortal.

What? I thought you liked danger. I always fell for the ones that dressed bad all in black, ripped jeans booze & anything you’d do I would JoanJett’s, Brody Dalle’s Patti Smiths… Lydia Lunch’s

Punk Rock Virgin Mary Magdalene’s & I was just a virgin carpenter.

Teens like the idea of rebellion. I was a stay at home loser who found

Themselves used to a dull personality in lines of white,

In coloured pills & needles.

No one else but Jake n’ Mikey had it in them.

If you’re going to do it go all the way, or stick to the plan.

9-5 pay taxes, drink to sleep all week, do blow to stay up all weekend.

Rinse & repeat.

Quiet & peace until you look like a joke out wasted with your single best friends & you chose it. Mix it up, take a girls, take a boy, pick a fight,

But every mainline is a round in Russian Roulette.

Hoping each shot will be the one to shut these people up.

If you’re might not die then you’re not living.

I see my cocaine & raise it 24mg of hydro.

My bird’s heart is flying north & fleeing south at the same time.

Flag, thick red vein blood push, too wired for tired to strung out to care.

One ends another gets prepped, I add an ampule of liquid midozolam,

Handful of beezo pills, old OC & some free Montreal speed.

I wonder if death will be the only cure for this dull night.

Getting buzzed, stoned, intoxicated was boring by the time I was legal.

Each hit should be enough to kill yourself, each failure is just another chemical in the chamber, fentanyl & ice.

Death walks by three times daily.

I feel pity for the ones invested in TV & pop music who want more than

Just rehashed resin.

I used to think Bob Was crazy for quitting Sonic Youth.

Found out he quit, & yes Lydia is a far better kisser according to B.B.

Who’s been in NYC since the factory days.

When I found Dylan the Velvets & Patti were the next to blow my mind.

Then Sonic Youth Death Valley’69 Lydia’s demented orgasmic blood curdling shrieks.

Sonic Youth went indie-grunge trying to get their favour back for taking Nirvana on tour in ‘91.

The Year Punk Broke, directed by a teenaged Dave Markey, an acquaintance now.

It broke because SY had the talent, Nirvana had the soul.

Meanwhile in the dirty downtown NYC clubs where this music is at home

Pussy Galore, Boss Hog, Jon Spencer’s Blues Explosion, Chrome Cranks, 8-Eyed Spy, Lydia & Rowland. These Immortal Souls.The Contortions, Suicide, Richard Hell, Robert Quine, Swans. SY went major label & Pussy Galore choose a name that ensured they never would. Murray Street or Orange? The Cramps, Chrome Cranks, Royal Trux & The Gun Club make post Bert SY’ look like Pink Floyd sans Syd. Good, but almost too good, too polished & polite. SY is with Hole, Lydia’s with R.S.H. I can’t listen to Goo anymore other than Lee’s songs.

Lydia interviewed Thurston one of man times & opened with “So, whats it like to be a pop star?” he just laughed. He knew better than to engage. They left their VU/Stooges roots behind to Croon Karen Carpenter covers with Sgt. Moore in complete command of every overproduced note. He shoulda stuck with Bisi. Most sampled producer of all time and most people don’t even know he exists and still works for reasonable fees, if the work is worthy of the man who did Bad Moon Rising, Evol & Shotgun Wedding.

Change your opinion if you want but at least have the guts to admit you were wrong.If I get charged ten bucks to see a concert I am gonna go anywhere on the floor I fucking please. I waded through pits malnourished & 90 lbs. If she wanted all the guys to the back then she should’ve charged them $5 each. When Grazhdanskya Oborona had to rotate members because they were being executed or sentenced to ten years in the Soviet Gulag their shows were about standing together against real oppression. Often they were just PWYC. They recorded on the run from the KGB on old x-ray prints. Kathleen Hanna grew into her fame at the height of western economic global power and the insinuation that girls all too small or not tough enough to be in the front of the pit is sexist in and of itself. Some of the roughest bruises I’ve got have been from passionate punk girls in the pit. They didn’t need the singer to tell them where they could go. Its a punk show, anyone gives orders you tell em to fuck off. And come on, marries a Beastie Boy after losing Kurt to Courtney? Courtney wrote better songs. ‘Suck my left one’ is tough and catchy in a fuck you kind of way but Asking For It? Cake? Jennifer’s Body? Violet? Pretty on the Inside? “They say I’m plump, but I throw up all the time!” Donita Sparks wasn’t perpetually pissed off so I could listen to her points (Points Patti, Excene & Lydia had been making since 76′ When Lydia had to turn tricks to stinking old cab drivers just to get home from a gig.

I am a musician & poet and if you pay for the ticket you take the ride. No pricing. How did she check anyway? Strip searches? Thats not punk its reactionist headline fishing & she knew it. Then acted like the mistres of the scene. Joan Jett? Blondie? Teenage Jesus, 8-eyed Spy, Shotgun Wedding all came first as well as most of Smith’s musical catalog.  Ironically Sublime’s Date Rape helped many women come forward because before that song they didn’t even know it was ok to say no. Overplayed, no Suck My Left One, but it helped girls sleep easier at night. I aint saying girls aren’t still oppressed, but money & oppression go hand in hand. The old blues singers used to hang with kids like Lou Reed & Sterling Morrison, shooting smack & getting into knife fights in orchestra recording studios. (my grandma went on a date with the dinner, His Grace, Duke Ellington in the late forties. She could also hit a bird from a moving convertible with a revolver so people kept their whispers down. Hanna was white straight and married to a member of the highest selling rap group of the entire 1980′s, she’s living off of Fight for Your Right to Party while her still-living forerunners struggle to make a buck to fix their equipment for another show. No shoutout to Weny O. Williams who did it 25 years earlier as a non-white girl. How about Poison Ivy from The Cramps? Janet Weiss of Quasi & Sleater Kinney? Distillers were a bit later but they were punk & feminist as fuck. Every singer wants a gimmick and hers was shirtless shows (also.. plasmatics late70′s…) with simple slogans & girls to the front because I aint tall or big, most I weighed was maybe 125 and the 25 is gone. I’m not gonna give away money to not see or hear a show that the band doesn’t want me at. L7 used to party with Mudhoney. That sounds way better than paying to hear the conversations at the bar. ‘cause we aint all big and tough, you’re doin to me what you didn’t like them doing to you then go on to sing on feminist classics like American Idiot.

Love em or hate ‘em NOFX  had a great way to sun things up with only a few words. “Kill the rockstars? How ironic, Kathleen. You’ve been crowned the newest queen.” –Thanks so much & thanks for all the shoes.

There’s a new golden rule to the old scene, don’t be an asshole & don’t act like you’re any better than whoever is using the mic. At least three of my favourite musicians are trans. If someone doesn’t mean to offend you if you let it go you’d be surprised what you learn. You like feminism & punk? Grunge? No Wave? Alexisovacidland, Christine IX, ECSTATICS, The Simple Pleasure, Cellular Chaos, Admiral Grey, Skinny Girl Diet, Chicken Snake, Family in Mourning, Featherz Brutal Measures, Melt Banana, D.N.A. Mars, Ikue Mori, Boss Hog, Blacksquares, Girls Rituals,  even Wolf Lane has 3 regular female members. All released good recordings within three years If it their genitals not their art you care about though, just watch porn with the sound off & a single bikini kill CD, or start your own band and put weight behind your words if this don’t satisfy. I’m not trying to be an asshole but I will anyway. Last week I found out my cousin had leukaemia, same thing that killed my dad. They were both gone before I could register how bad things were. Mike Hudson of the Pagans, a musical and life mentor left facebook for two days. Died within hours of diagnosis. Imagine that. You get an hour to live & you feel too sick to care. A lot of dogs will die without homes now that Mike isn’t there for them anymore. A giant post bitching that life is too short to bitch over petty disagreements & too long when it needs to end. Sick sad tired xmas eve. No sleepy black cat to see when I awake. I remember each happy young Christmas like I’m being forced by a burning brand, my own seal of guilt. Christmas is when innocence dies. Two people just seems so empty and hollow. I miss my forest nymph poetess, naked deep in the heart of nature, dipping her bare toes in the warm water of a nearby spring, breasts ripe and delicious as exotic fruits. Her presences glows & grows & her smile is epidemic.

Will I ever be anything more to her

Than a friend?

Not just a friend… it goes deeper literally and metaphorically.

We love each other, but is my hard heart valued the same in her eyes

I love to make love, the women everywhere are beautiful, but they can’t see anything but their own reflections. ( have no eyes for anyone in this dull town.) not that I think I have much of a reflection with reflections of reflections.

But I lay awake wondering, tossing turning, fantasizing.

the memory of you tying beads around my naked throat

We’re both writers, loners, odd. I love it about you.

In a real relationship you can sit in silence, wrapped together in a blanket

And not talk for hours & it feels fine.

I can’t help myself around her, I get tender & romantic

Or rough & dirty, go to bed “early” and

Eight hours later we can barely stop ourselves,

Drifting in and out of dreams & sleepy seductions.

We like the same books, poems, records, positions.

I tried to novocaine my heart but six years & I still feel.

I spend hours writing about it, the poems carry me away

Down past the dying light of day.

Jack Blare, 2018

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Right/Left Alt-Right/Alt-Left

What an idiot I was to equate the old doped up psychedelic left,

Black & White Panthers, John & Yoko, John Sinclair, MC5, Bob Dylan,

With the new synthetic one.

Beyonce & EDM, Mumford & Sons & a bunch of similar sounding shit.

The old left marched, they fought, they demanded

Equality, peace, legalization of all drugs & fucking in the streets.

The alt-left is almost as white as the alt-right but they’ve taken white guilt to the point of flagellation. I took sociology, psychology, & statistics in college. Most kids learn them from memes. Cut away all the important information and leave the slogan. The new left are invariably well-off, white & post on everyone’s behalf, whether they are wanted or not. The political spectrum is a big circle. In the middle of the top is moderate democratic socialism aka Canada. On the bottom centre of the circle is anarchy. No laws, rules or government, everyone agrees. To the left of this is Stalinism. Economically communist. methodologically totalitarianism. To the bottom right of anarchy you have fascism. Capitalist economics with totalitarian government. Thus any system of government can theoretically be totalitarian, other than true democracy and anarchy.

The destruction of books, of knowledge, like the nazi book burnings were controversial because they represent a rejection of intellect over emotion, they represent human experiences & culture. Words from 200 year old novels should not be changed because they offend someone from the 21st century. That is how we lose original works. Censorship is always the first step towards a totalitarian government. Words are neither good nor bad, merely vehicles of interpretation. Just like Pravda, alt-left events want to know what you will be saying so that anything that doesn’t toe the party line gets no voice. The left, my own leaning, is focused on equality in the future, integration of races and anti fascism. The alt-left is run by successful millennials, usually white and mostly uneducated past high school. They cannot distinguish between debate & battle, they are more interested in semantics and sensationalism than serious politics, such as pronouns & safe spaces. Problem is anyone who expresses any slight disagreement gets a dose of social media mob justice. Things like “properly gendered pronouns” have become political talking points while they sign death warrants behind closed doors. Drone strikes & bombs. I found that looking anyone in the eye and shouting ‘hey you!’ is an effective pronoun for almost everybody.

The left fights the right & now alt-right, while the alt left fight among themselves & the old school lefties. Getting offended is now a full time job for most of these people, again usually affluent & white. They act like insulting their former allies is some heroic act but really it just alienates most people with a working knowledge of history & politics. At the core though they are afraid & disgusted by the people they so nobly defend. Prostitutes, drug addicts, the mentally ill. They also tend to be the most crass, non-politically correct but not hateful people. The homeless. Everyone looks the same at rock bottom. Even though the hipster alt-left they take pills, snort coke & methylate it by mixing it with liquor they still think they’re better because they’re afraid of a little blood. Half of all smokers will die from smoking. Its deadlier than a coke or heroin habit, but then again most people don’t cut their blow with benzene and arsenic. I watched someone wither and die of cancer in less than a week. Waste your time exercising and eating well if you want, he was the most fit person I knew. Use your life before you lose it.

Sure being white & straight is great but being a suicidal, autistic drug addict isn’t such a great privilege. Losing my dad at 65 and now my cousin at 45, while my other cousin is in the ward for another suicide attempt is not a privilege. Unless you actually know a person (I mean really know) making judgment calls about their “privilege” is a privilege in and of itself, most of us are just trying to manage our own lives as its not my business to manage anyone else’s.

I was recently told to stop bitching & do something with my privilege.I spent the better part of a decade working in harm reduction & LGBTQ awareness (2005-2011). I did human rights articles for the school paper, wrote and edited for a magazine for at risk youth, drove a kid to his Hep C appointments cause I felt bad. When the funding stopped I made my own zine. Been the keynote speaker for a number of charity events, opinion writer on politics, drug policy, discrimination, literature & human rights. I work closely with a feminist icon who has been centre stage since ‘77 & makes Bikini Kill sound tame, yet still I get accused of “bitching” ‘cause I don’t want to be compared to the people that tried to rape my mother & did successfully rape more than five of my friends. Wold you like to be compared to Madam Mao simply because you were born with the same sex organs? Eva Braun? Countess Bathory? Bloody Mary? She loved to burn protestant families at the stake.

I saved people from jail & from overdoses but I should have used my privilege to support a cause more worthy. Not like any of that money went towards shelters for abused women, oh wait, it did. I went to college, took journalism, ethics, history, women’s literature, statistics (they are almost always incorrect & easy to manipulate) poetry, politics & a study of addictions. I published and edited three poetry collections, one from an ESL man from India, another from a mentally ill local poet & one from a former poly substance abuser. I lost money on all of these but Put in my own because I saw potential in them. Helped friends put together their own zines & chapbooks at 0 charge. I thought maybe I was doing something worthwhile with my life. Evidently I was just “using my privilege to bitch instead of for the greater good.” A phrase used to justify the means to the end. Ironically it was a common fascist slogan used to justify the murder of the infirm, insane & disabled. I was never told what this greater good was. Capitalism? Christianity? Upper middle-class white feminism? Sobriety? It certainly wasn’t the opioid crisis or autism awareness, not class drift or overmedication of youth. Structural functionalism maybe? A place for everything & everything in its right place. I think that mentally ill women need more of a voice in society than neurotypical & I did not charge her for editing or publication. I thought we could se more diversity so I took a chance on a book written by a man in India, judging by local sales people here are kind of racist. So what is this greater good? Good & evil are subjective ideas posing as absolutes. Good is a matter of perspective. Good is boring. I answer those that need me & do what I can. What is everyone else doing that surpasses me so much? I live below the poverty line with autism. I do

A friend of mine personally found 68 people dead in the government housing complex he works at. 6 years of schooling. Do you all carry and understand how to use naloxone? Its free so their should be no reason not to have it. When I was a junkie I had a few half-assed interventions but if I OD’ed no one could have done shit. Another good friend spends his time helping his 91 year-old grandpa & volunteers at a soup kitchen.

“All men are rapists.” “All Germans are Nazis.” “Women aren’t funny.” These are all ridiculous blanket statements that everyone knows are not true. Its too bad if you don’t like it but I’m a man and I don’t want to be compared to the piece of shit that sexually assaulted my friend when she was 5, whatever the hell your political agenda is. As anyone could tell you, some of the most notorious concentration camp guards were young women like Ilsa, ‘The Beast of Belsen”. Karla Homolka has a new family while somewhere in an evidence locker is a tape of her & Paul raping and murdering her teenage sister. Murder & rape are not sane acts to commit. You cannot teach a pedophile not to rape anymore than you could’ve taught John Wayne Gacy not to eat people. They’re both sick for life. No right minded individual would commit rape. It has been a capital crime for thousands of years, should be again. People tell their daughters to be careful because they know they can’t trust their sons. Unless you Clockwork Orange style condition it out of them somehow before they’ve tried it.

In a perfect world we’d teach our children not to rape and murder & they would listen. We don’t live in a perfect world, we live in a fucked up, sick one. The only person you should ever trust is yourself. You can be an idealist & try to end one of the oldest crimes in history through a vague education plan or a realist & know that if it comes down to a fight you have the advantage. I weigh just over 100lbs myself, I’d rather be prepared to defend myself if need be.

Oh & I do believe that rapists, potential or otherwise should be afraid. Not of being falsely accused & blowing their brains out before trial. I think that they should bring back capital for rapists, first degree murderers, child molesters, mass murderers & serial killers. Want to make them afraid? Send them to a special room with a sloped floor, put a bullet in the back of their skulls and let the bodies roll down into a heap for easy disposal & hosing off the blood. The Soviets were efficient executioners. Make their peers watch, but for fuck’s sake make damn sure they’re guilty before you pull the trigger.

The disunited infighting of the new left has alienated its best supporters. Black Panthers were more okay with white people than BLM, seeing as thy ran heroin and shot at the police instead of ended up cordoned off in the “protesters safe room” times are logged and registered, moles in place, police brought in to ensure than nothing happens to change the status quo. People with signs chant & feel better about themselves, rubber bullets and pepper spray manufacturers get rich and nothing changes. Almost 60 years since Kent State now. They’re making you feel like you’re making a difference but the laws stay the same or get tighter & it gives the cops a chance to beat on civilians, their favourite pastime other than shooting unarmed black kids. You need leverage to change things in politics, & memes are not leverage.

The alt-left is so my way or the highway (aka we never took rhetoric) that people who were on the left before it was trendy, the one’s who helped LGBTQ rights become mainstream and lost friends over it or got in fights to protect others feel marginalized now. We were a means to an end and now that we aren’t needed its “white fuckboy” or “ciscum.” We still go to punk shows and fight racists using our fists. Give change to the homeless  Act friendly & kind to strangers. Not out of any perceived obligation to a poorly defined greater good, but because we have empathy. We do what we can when and if we can. No more, no less.History is filled with examples of human beings doing good & terrible things. No race, culture or gender is immune or innocent to human flaws. Nelson Mandela was a hero to Black South Africans but his wife was notorious for ‘necklacing’ opponents to the ANC by shoving a tire over their body so their arms couldn’t move & then setting it alight where it would very slowly and painfully kill the victim by cooking them alive. They stayed married. Does that mean Nelson was evil? Thats up to you, the point is that oversimplifying complex situations will cause more harm than good, The last thing anyone wants is to start a cycle of blood vengeance. No two people are the same

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