addiction, alternative, depression, Erotic, free verse, independent, literature, poetry, Uncategorized, underground, writing

One Night Stands

Simply aren’t worth it to me. I get the attraction. Easy, no strings attached sexual pleasure from a total stranger you hope not to see again. I understand it completely but it is not my cup of tea. When you don’t like drinking & you go to parties the brutish & peacock-like advances of your inebriated peers become painfully obvious. I get second hand embarrassment from it and it happens between men, women, trans people, gays, lesbians, anything with a libido & a liquor bottle. Now I don’t mean to say that I’m sober at these events, but a coke head, a junkie or a tweaker tends to stay a bit more aware of their surroundings, as crazy as that sounds to most of you. I’ve had to deal with some drunk girl’s emotional breakdown right after injecting a bunch of morphine & coke only for her to pass out & forget all about it the day after.

Even when you’re both sober its awkward. You don’t know each other’s turn ons, you don’t know what will send them into the throes of orgasm or walk out the door. Thus it tends to be boring & lacks intimacy. I would want to at least like someone before being inside of them, once a girl I was chilling with left to get laid with a total stranger then came back to hang out for a few more hours. Like I’m 27 and on a ton of meds, we’re gonna need at least an hour to pop that cork. Also I love giving oral, no one wants to use dental dams, lets be honest. I’d like to be reasonably certain that this is not going to result in a venereal disease.

I don’t think I’d fuck someone I didn’t trust to some degree & I don’t trust strangers at all. I’m not looking for a romantic attachment either but there has to be some kind of intimacy there or it isn’t worth it to me. Why act like a drunken fool trying to pick up girls in a bar? No good relationship I heard of ever started out in a bar. Instead of buying drinks for myself & some physically attractive woman who prefers Beyonce’s to Aretha’s I might as well stay home jerk off because even if we somehow ended up screwing it probably wouldn’t get me off. At least stay the night & spoon or something.

In the end if there isn’t some sort of spark there won’t be no fire. I’m content to watch the hookups & the breakups from my lovely little bubble of apathy & thank god that I don’t have to please anyone but myself.

Advertisements
Standard
addiction, depression, independent, literature, Uncategorized

Is Addiction a Disease? Why that Question Doesn’t Really Matter

Is addiction a disease? The question is one of the most divisive in the world, drawing strong opinions from both sides. The argument is usually “well its their fault for taking drugs, no one forced them to.” True, but overdoses are still medical emergencies dealt with by trained professionals working in the healthcare system and doctors and psychiatrists are an integral part of any rehabilitation process. If you break both of your legs in a ski accident this is a direct result of you choosing to go skiing, it is a serious medical issue but no one blames the patient, not so with addiction, no matter how severe or life threatening the symptoms can become. Who deals with broken bones? The healthcare system. Cancer? The healthcare system. All of these share something in common: they are medical problems dealt with by medical professionals often in clinical or hospital settings. Whether or not addictions fit the definition of “disease” is not the real question for those who are fighting them, both addicts and healthcare workers. We want to know how to combat the agonizing  symptoms of withdrawal and the rising tide of overdoses so people don’t have to suffer from the pain and stigma that comes with a life of addiction.

Alcohol, barbiturate and benzodiazepine withdrawal all lower the seizure threshold, possibly to the point of death. If you try to withdraw have a seizure and die you can’t really quit by choice, you’re just dead. Methamphetamine is neurotoxic but amphetamine is not, but both are addictive. If something can alter your brain function to the point where not taking it anymore can and does cause delirium, seizures and death is that a choice? Should they have kept using the substance? Would you take the risk of losing your life and the certainty of an agonizing and long withdrawal period that may leave you in a permanent state of dementia at a young age? Is that so different than type II diabetes, most often caused by a poor diet? Should we deny insulin to people with type II because they possibly “brought it on themselves” or should we treat every patient equally, recognizing that abscesses and diabetic comas are both medical emergencies?

No matter how you look at it the people who actually deal with treating addiction are paramedics, nurses, doctors and psychiatrists. What do they all have in common? Medical training. Getting hit by a car is not a disease yet its still debilitating and requires medical attention. This is nothing more than an argument over semantics. So call it what you want but the fact is that addiction is still a medical problem, treated by people trained in healthcare and part of the healthcare system. The same system that produces and overprescribes Oxycontin, Vicodin, Fentanyl, Alprazolam, Diazepam and amphetamines.

Rabies is a disease but if you handle wild animals and leave bites untreated how is that any less your fault than getting an abscess from an infected injection site? If you walk around on a bunch of scrap wood in sandals and get tetanus from a rusty nail its still your fault but we don’t stigmatize people for getting tetanus shots. If you choose to work with ebola patients but don’t protect yourself properly did you deserve to get ebola? Those actions led directly to infection yet we don’t stigmatize font line healthcare workers in areas known for deadly and incurable tropical diseases or people with Cholera for drinking from a contaminated water source.

2,500 people have died so far in B.C. due to drugs laced with fentanyl. You might do heroin every day for years without ODing but be dead in minutes from taking your usual dose because someone laced it with a few micrograms of a drug 100 times more potent than morphine. Whose fault is it? The addict who needs to keep using because he can’t afford to take two weeks off work to go through withdrawal because he has a family to support or the person that sold him what is essentially poisoned heroin? 2,500 people dead, all with families, friends and people who cared for them. The toll will probably pass 3,000 by the New Year. It has been consistently described as an “epidemic” and the way its spreading resembles that of a plague outbreak.

When I hear that someone died in a car crash my first instinct is not to say that they shouldn’t have been driving on the highway even though had they chosen not to they would still be alive because the manner of how someone gets sick or gets hurt doesn’t matter, they are still injured and need help. How many high school kids have broken their necks playing football? Do you go up to their parents and say “Well the idiot should’ve played golf then he’d still be alive.”

I guess it comes down to whether or not you value human life. Whether or not you want to be a part of the solution or just another person standing on the sidelines but if you aren’t going to do anything to help, if you have never been on the front lines of the opioid crisis or lost a friend or family member to addiction, seen firsthand what it does to their children and communities then do the rest of us a favour and just shut up and stay out of things you know nothing about.

-Jack Blare

Standard
alternative, free verse, improvisation, independent, literature, mortal, Uncategorized

Neo-English AKA Newspeak

Orwell’s 1984 arrived a bit later than expected, Huxley’s a Brave New World got here early. Developed nations now have the technology & capability to take ideas from both novels & smash them into a Dystopia with a shot of Phillip K. Dick to round it off. There may be future dystopia’s but writing a dystopian novel now is like writing a newspaper. A robot has become a full citizen of Saudi Arabia, with all the rights and privileges that entails, which aint that many in Saudi Arabia. They should have just stuck a dildo to her last minute and dressed her in a flak dress.

Japan has pill dispensing machines on the campuses of its universities. They stock mainly psychiatric drugs, I’m guessing SSRI’s, Adderall, Ritalin, Vyvanse, Seroquel and Wellbutrin. Adderall Ritalin, Zopiclone & Vyvanse to enhance performance, Benzos to kill the jitters & Zopiclone or Seroquel to knock you out. Leave your brain a foggy mess but you’ll come down like a stone from an airplane. Dubai has robotic “police officers” that mostly direct lost tourists. They also have a hover bike that can go fifty feet off the ground. All our social media is logged. Our favourite music, movies, books, food, relationship status, political convictions, sexuality, employment status. All freely given. Like the Stasi’s wet dream. The police have a device that can use a cellphone to create a 3D image of the room its in, and who and what is in that room. They log where you go, how often, note the regularity. They monitor your bank accounts for money you can’t explain getting. The illegal wiretapping and filming done in A Scanner Darkly, has already occurred multiple times. The Scanner sees everything we do, hears what we say, predicts how we’ll think. The predicted drug epidemic came true too. The police are just the military arm of the politicians & bankers now. They’ve made a business out of misery. They use military gear. Like S.S. men or Gestapo.

This brings us to Neo-English which I will now refer to as Newspeak. The era of text and instant messaging has led to a severe degradation of the English language, to the point where it should be considered a sort of pidgin creole type of English. This isn’t mere slang, its a paradigm shift in linguistics. It is newspeak come alive.

“get woke”

“gtfo”

“terf”

“Bae”

“Bad Bitch”

“lol” as punctuation.

It goes on and on. What actual words they know they misspell and none of them read. I’m fucking 27 and I see that. Idiocracy was right when they said that “the English language would devolve into a hybrid of hillbilly, inner city slang, valley girl, and various grunts. Joe spoke to them logically and passionately, in plain English but to them he sounded pompous and faggy. He only drew big gales of stupid laughter.”

The idiots are reproducing at an alarming rate. “Earth aint the kind of place to raise your kids, in fact its cold and dark.” -Elton John

Neil Postman rolls in his grave. Amused to Death indeed.

Jack Blare, 2018

Standard
addiction, alternative, depression, free verse, grunge, improvisation, independent, literature, Uncategorized

DSM I

Just like one line or one shot was supposed to kill me? Had a better chance of outliving half of all smokers, & that was when I was mixing coke & smack. Of course coke and smack wouldn’t have rat poison in them if you knew your dealer but every drag you take is chock full of delicious arsenic & benzene. I mean I shot speedballs dozens of times a day hoping to end it al in a glorious sleep from which I never wakel & half you lazy, hazy buggers get a slow, horrible way out, impotent, holes in the throat the type of cough that never shuts off. The warning is on every box but still I am the one who’s going to be stealing your meds while you struggle to swallow them. Don’t worry, I’ll never teach a friend to shoot. I really don’t care either way, I just can’t stand the gas-nosed, coke sniffing, self-methylating & speedballing with the one downer you never ever mix health trip. Ten years, half on the needle. Even the shittiest hard drugs are better than the best mass-manufactured bottle of beer & box of smokes. Like stats? Half of all smokers will die because they smoke. Combined between IV smack heads & speedballers I still got an extra 12%, more pleasure than you could handle without puking & dram keys to new dimensions and I don’t even want to be here tomorrow. I’ve had cigarettes, smack, ice, blow, nitrous & weed. What’ve you got? A 30 second head rush & a tiny dopamine trigger gives you a chemical pat on the head? No real rush, no right red blooming from the veins, no 5 4 3 2 1 7 the subway train hits the station. Jesus son? More like Jesus’ daddy. Not young no more. Poor cousin 18 years my senior left behind two kids after a few days against cancer. Odds are that old age is a thing of the past.

Jack Blare 2017

Standard
improvisation, independent, Lydia Lunch, Uncategorized

Kathleen Hanna vs Courtney Love

the insinuation that girls all too small or not tough enough to be in the front of the pit is sexist in and of itself. Some of the roughest bruises I’ve got have been from passionate punk girls in the pit. They didn’t need the singer to tell them where they could go. Its a punk show, anyone gives orders you tell em to fuck off. And come on, who marries a Beastie Boy after losing Kurt to Courtney? Courtney wrote better songs. ‘Suck my left one’ is tough and catchy in a fuck you kind of way but Asking For It? Cake? Jennifer’s Body? Violet? Pretty on the Inside? “They say I’m plump, but I throw up all the time!” Donita Sparks (L7) wasn’t perpetually pissed off so I could listen to her points without feeling like I was being preached to (Points Patti, Excene & Lydia had been making art and music since 76′ When Lydia had to turn tricks to stinking old cab drivers just to get home from a gig. Jim Carroll and Robert Mapplethorpe both sucked cocks in NYC to get by) Starlets are now raking in millions in sexual harassment suits while those who traded temporary access to their bodies for lesser things than multi million-dollar film roles, like cab rides & crack cocaine don’t see a penny and die strung out on the streets. Once again the rich & famous profit while nothing changes for the rest of the world.

Jack Blare

Standard
alternative, Erotic, free verse, improvisation, independent, literature, man, Uncategorized

Unburdened

I gave up on true love a long time ago.

Like I gave up the idea that schooling & intelligence were related.

That what goes around comes around,

That bad people suffer for their sins.

That good people hold out their hands for nothing.

Now I am free to love who I please.

That its always now or never &

If it isn’t worse than cotton fever or handcuffs from real cops,

Than watching your grandparents, father, family & pets die

Right before your eyes.

Than the looks of disgust I get from strange girls at parties

When they see my tracks & scars.

When your first kiss never wants to speak to you again.

You never do & never know why.

Like when they find the dope, or hear you making love.

When these things happen enough times you find out how silly it was

That they mattered at all.

To be shy to walk around barefoot, to dive into a kiss.

To tell people your fantasies without fear.

To toss aside the baggage of being young, mentally ill & addicted,

Peel off the label & spend the day in bed with a beautiful girl.

Because the pleasure of a single touch can outweigh the finest heroin

When its from finger of a lover, the lips, the tongue.

The bed, the floor, the grass & dirt become altars to Aphrodite.

I want to anoint you in oil & listen to Sonic Youth records.

You can smoke a joint while I kiss the arches of your feet, the ankle, the heel.

Working my way inch by inch to where fire & water meet.

Until you tremble, only my breath warm and near you,

Opening a delicate flower, I inhale the fragrance of fertility,

So slowly I lick. You say “Mhm!” and push your hips into the air.

A teasing brushstroke, hot, wet, fingers exploring heaven.

Taking me out, all ready, even clear liquid drips from the tip

So warm in your hand. Like a tear of lust, tear of jewelled desire

You kiss it so gently my breath is slow motion

I have a humming of angels inside as you lavish me with attention,

I can’t go back, there is no one like you in the past

Your yellow shift, short hair & peeking nipples.

Bare legs & feet, unpolished toenails.

I want all of you at once.

What kind of beautiful madness is this?

Jack Blare, 2017

Standard
alternative, independent, Uncategorized, underground, writing

I Hereby Renounce My Generation

Is it possible to renounce your generation like you can renounce your citizenship?”Millennials” suck. They react before thinking. They think 140 characters can properly express an idea. They champion LGBTQ causes and multiculturalism yet know nothing of the past surrounding it, no idea who Abbie Hoffman or John Sinclair ardor anything about the Black Panther Party & white chapter, the White Panthers and worse, they aren’t even curious. They have made being offended into a pastime. Lou Reed was called transphobic post-mortem for ‘Walk on the Wild Side’ of course anyone who knows who Lou was knows that the song was describing real people that he met, real events that happened. Candy Darling was famous. Not to mention he was in a long term relationship with a transgender individual. It is not against the law to offend people as long as its not hate speech but social media is turning into judge jury and executioner in an informal but universal ostracism for not following the new mores to a T. Suddenly pronouns are an issue. I look androgynous, I have long hair, I’ve been mistaken for a girl and it doesn’t offend me. They is a plural pronoun and implies some sort of collective hive mind or group. Give me a name or I’ll just point and say “hey you.” Of course there was a backlash, there always is, and that came in the form of the alt right and “proud boys” who felt their position in society was threatened so they got angry, lashed out, perfect recruits for hate groups, directionless white kids who think that they deserve more and that its the fault of Jews, women, homosexuals, immigrants. Anyone to blame for their troubles. The election was the primer for the explosion that followed. The divide between left and right, white and black has widened to a chasm. War hawks on either side chip away at the stone, hoping to start a fight or even a war for ideologies that they learned on racist youtube channels instead of from books. The left is either trapped in an echo bubble or busy arguing with other people on the left, more splitting. This is politics in the social media age. Pop politics. Twitter politics. Simple due to the limitation. Other people do the work and write the songs, only one gets credit.
Hipsters quote Burroughs, punks act like Iggy and dress like Sid Vicious but can’t stand watching a needle slide into somebody’s arm even though they constantly quote Trainspotting. I was deceived. I thought I’d found a pocket of real counterculture but they followed the education to work path and sidelined talent that could’ve changed lives in exchange for being “normal” but they still think they’re the cool kid from college who took risks and treated people right when really they’re on the other side of the desk now. Embracing everything they mocked mercilessly and shouting down opinions that you so often loudly espoused. Collages to uninventive memes. Experimental music, punk, no wave, replaced by vapourware. The electronic music scene’s answer to elevator music. Sons of rich fathers slumming it for fun. Then back to work or wife or whatever. I can’t stand watching people watch TV. So much potential pissed away and on the decline. For them morphine is a fun story that happened a couple times, I used it to turn everything into white noise and shadows. To kill a mental pain. Friends get fat, guts and beer bellies, chronic alcoholism that still thinks its superior to me for not using a needle. I never ended up outside naked covered in my own shit after a good fix, they can’t say the same, about 80 fluid ounces of hard liquor a night, cigarettes and cocaine. Rooms full of silent disconnected people absorbed by smart phones and other technology. Does it call? Does it text? Thats all I want. I don’t want to end up hooked on media like some people, always taking pictures of themselves. Narcissistic personality disorder, if this aint a symptom then what is? Lots of talk, opinions on anything. Do? Not so much. Government sanctioned, pre-approved protests inside pig pens of riot cops. Chanting slogans won’t change a damn thing except drive people away. We never grew up. Young forever and assured in our beliefs like children, easy to upset, forever immature and emotionally empty. But its time to move on, from this scene, this city, these drugs. Inspiration lies elsewhere now, and I am a poet to the death in a time when nobody even reads anymore. All sexuality no emotion, tension, building desire. Coffee and a fuck. Friends turned from adventurous hippies to pretentious hipsters, infinity sign tattoos and all. Cause they need outside validation, they are insecure. They are chameleons changing depending on the situation and the company. Deadbeat dads and burnouts that could have been rock stars. It was meaningless, the opportunity fades. I tried to live the regular boring life with a regular girlfriend and no drugs and it sucked. Enjoy the next 40 years of it. True love is for movies, my. love is unchained and nameless.
All that stupid punk, hippy, PC bullshit they spew, even their alternative music is mainstream. I aint a millennial. Generation Y.
Standard