addiction, alternative, depression, independent, literature, politics, Uncategorized, writing

Why fix it if it works?

Every time I think I have finally found a decent balance of medication one of my doctors has to fuck it up. Now I get to choose whether to withdraw from klonopin, which I’ve been taking as a prescription for four years, stopping suboxone and going through an opioid withdrawal or go back to shooting coke, dilaudid and fentanyl.With my anxiety at a peak, this being the year my dad died, my genius doctor is taking me off the medication that stops me from obsessively slicing holes in my body during panic attacks. I guess i could go on enough methadone to be too out of it to feel anxious. Really not caring much. Every time I try to do things the “right” way it somehow gets fucked up. Now the cravings have returned and all I want is double shot of hydro right in my mainline. I don’t trust anyone at all. 240 pages into my novel and I just stopped caring. I’ll write more when I get some speed. I’m so irritated at this point I would do practically anything. The only thing stopping me from going back to my poly-substance trash can ways is that B. is visiting. She’s the only person who’s opinion actually matters to me. If things go well maybe it will break this fog of misery. If not I’ll go west. I have places to stay and enough connections not to have to worry about anxiety or withdrawal. What most non users don’t understand is that we know its fucking awful for us, we know that a bad shot can kill, we’ve had cotton fever and we don’t care. When you live that sort of lifestyle its not a matter of if you die, so much as how and when. Everyone accepts it except the ones so tweaked they think they’ll live forever. The truth is that by the time you’re sticking needles in your flesh looking for a working vein and spending all your cash on your habit you don’t give a shit if the next shot puts you down. There is only the present and the present is junk. Some, like me, get out before that last one but every day more people drop like flies and nobody really cares. Whats another dead junky to this world?

Jack Blare

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alternative, free verse, improvisation, literature, music, poetry, rock, Uncategorized, underground, writing

Elegy for a Dead Black Angel

Take a walk on the wild side

New Jersey

Mom caught you

Naked with the neighbour boy

They locked you up

To shock the queer out of you

They killed their son

Wiped your memory clean

Filled it up with new, wholesome trauma.

Hopped a bus to New York City.

Turned tricks for a university tuition

A writer with an electric guitar

And a welsh viola player

In a lower east side bar.

They started a rock and roll band

Worked all day in factory

For your visionary artist-boss

Shooting speed

And heroin on film

to capture the artist essence

of capitalist america.

You told your boss to fuck off.

You told the band to fuck off.

You roamed the streets of New York

A scavenger, a real rock and roll animal

with black sunglasses and anything goes.

You shook the stage with the Starman.

You butchered your guitar

It sounded beautiful..

You became noise

Immortality in the locked groove of a record.

Jack Blare, 2016

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alternative, independent, literature, politics, Uncategorized, writing

Why Tumblr Politics Are So Ineffective At Changing People’s Views

Every day your scroll down your dash reading post after post about Donald Trump, all of them negative. If there is a dissenting viewpoint its usually squashed with outrage. All you have to do is read the suggestions at the top to see that Tumblr is a very left-leaning website. These are good values to hold in my opinion but this platform has become an echo-chamber of liberal ideas and propaganda, what I mean to say is that we’re preaching to the choir. Just as 4chan is an exclusively right wing website Tumblr has become exclusively left wing. The result is that we are talking to each other and reassuring one another with the same ideas but not enacting the change we want because political posts on Tumblr will only,or mainly, be read by people who more or less share the same viewpoints.

Its important to have political discourse but if you want to really change people’s minds you have to get your message across to the opposition and the apolitical. So while Tumblr is a great blogging site its not the best place to voice your political opinion if you’re on the left precisely because there are so few right wing people actually using Tumblr.

Jack Blare

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music, poetry, rock, Uncategorized

Come Undone

You show up like the ghost of my depression

with your memories and ideals

and I get the strong impression

that you have no idea how this feels

I’m Jesus Christ the Emperor

I’m Nero who sacrificed his youth

I am the coliseum’s last contender

Fighting off the inevitable truth

I’m not old but I’m not young

Just trying to have some fun

I fucked I fought I lost and I won

But now its all come undone

I am the blind eye of a storm

Brewing since the day that I was born

my suit is bloody, burnt and torn

I’m the devil that sold both of his horns

Riots on the bloody streets of heaven

Dope & fucking on the streets of hell

The angelic council of eleven

hid inside the cracked liberty bell

I’m not old but I’m not young

Just trying to have some fun

I fucked I fought I lost and I won

But now its all come undone

‘cause I’m having fun

And you know I’m not done

I’ve come undone

I’ve come undone

I’ve come undone

Jack Blare, 2015

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independent, music, poetry, rock, Uncategorized, underground, writing

Anyone Can Win

Suns going down and the moon rises bright

Into the heart of this star struck night

I once had something you could call love

Now its just a memory fading up above

My junkyard eyes dance on your perfect skin

Sometimes its harder to lose

‘cause anyone can win

Morning arrives, the knife drawn at dawn

Tired sick and weak but still going on

Sucker for love, junkie for sin

Sometimes its harder to lose

‘cause anyone can win

Easy its easy

so easy its easy

Easy so easy

I wish it was so easy

But its not so easy

To be a loser

When everybody wins

Jack Blare, 2014

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alternative, independent, music, poetry, rock, Uncategorized, underground

Garage Youth

Things have fallen apart

I have frozen my own heart

We’ve lost touch with reality

Blinded and divided so dark I cannot see

And oh its no use

Hiding under this little roof

did you finally find all the proof?

We were just kids living

the garage youth

Drunken nights and days so high

Didn’t care if I lived or died

Nothing now is here to stay

Just smoke and hope that things’ll be okay

But oh its no use

hiding under this little roof

did you finally find out the truth?

We were just kids living

the Garage youth.

Jack Blare, 2015

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