alternative, independent, literature, man, mortal, Uncategorized

Temporal Relativism

Similar to the concept of cultural relativism, it means regarding history through the mindset of the majority of the population at a certain time period and trying to understand their actions in the context of the time that they lived, not only through our 20/20 hindsight. The concept is unrelated to the science of temporal relativity. -Jack Blare, 2018

A lot of modern day practices have their roots in slavery & war but in time the meanings have changed and evolved. Now people see it as giving a little extra in return for good service. Now its considered impolite if you don’t offer a tip. Or when people refer to one another as “man” I guarantee that they aren’t thinking about it as a way to assert black rights. Black people called each other “man” in retaliation for being called “boy” by white people. Eventually it evolved into a term that is widely used. Just as we must understand cultural relativism we also need to consider temporal relativism. The fact that tipping originated from racial oppression is an interesting historical fact but no longer relevant in that it has taken on a new meaning separate from its origins. Like the song ‘Summertime, the living is easy’ most famously covered by Janis Joplin and referenced by Sublime refers to the fact that it was easier for slaves to pick cotton because it grew high in the summer and they didn’t have to crouch to pick it. Does this mean I’m going to stop enjoying that song, never tip or refer to people as man? No. Many modern practices had dark beginnings but have developed and changed as society has. At one point every group was an oppressor and in turn was oppressed. The Egyptians oppressed the Jews, the Jews massacred the Philistines, then they were captives in Babylon until the Roman Empire took overJerusalem, Egypt was also conquered, first by Alexander, then Caesar who conquered England, then Rome was conquered by the Goths, Christianity became the state religion and they looted the old temples to build new & lavish churches. Rome withdrew from England which was then conquered by the Saxons followed by the Vikings, followed by the Normans, then in turn England conquered Ireland, Scotland and Wales. We should not forget that these things happened but responsibility is not inherited. White skinned Russian serfs were emancipated only two years before the American emancipation of their slaves. Condemning the acts of the long dead is pointless. We should learn from the past to improve the future & present. History is never black and white and the sins of the father are not passed down to the son. I don’t believe in original sin or that people must atone for the actions of their long-dead ancestors. People have oppressed one another since the dawn of civilization, if we hold on to the prejudices of the past the wounds will never heal.

-Jack Blare

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addiction, independent, literature, Uncategorized

Unqualified Cops

In Britain they’re fast tracking university grads to become police detectives in just 12 months. This is an awful idea. It takes years to become a doctor or lawyer because if they screw up it could ruin or end someone’s life. You need a thorough knowledge of medicine or the law. They can be disbarred or have their medical licenses taken away. Police have weapons and arguably the most power over people’s lives and their profession takes less than half the time to qualify for than a law degree. They could use that extra time to study the law, how to deal with the mentally ill, how to properly diffuse a situation. We’d have less police, sure, but they send two cruisers just for suspicion up here. It doesn’t take four armed officers to bust a stoner.

They could spend that extra time learning more about serial killers, rapists, murders and organized crime as well as physical activity. The tuition could help pay for the police budget. Why does it take seven years and an exam to practice law but only a year’s training to enforce it? Instead we have ignorant, lazy and vicious police officers that act more like paramilitary thugs than protectors of the innocent. They should definitely have classes on racism and race relations. The problem with cops is they don’t care if they break the law, they shoot black children and get “suspended with pay.” Its basically a paid vacation and then they’re back. Every time you use violence it gets easier from a moral standpoint. Cops use unnecessary excessive force and become desensitized. They start to see criminals, “the enemy” as less than human, racism plays a huge part of this.

Poverty breeds crime. Eliminate poverty and you eliminate most criminal activities. If a guy can’t find a job, has no house and no chance of economic improvement in the mainstream society then he will turn to break and enters and muggings, if drug addicts could afford their habit and have easier access to treatment facilities they wouldn’t need to steal hand sanitizer and drink it.

Instead of focusing on petty crimes like drug possession or theft under $1000 the police should seek the root causes. Prisons are crowded with mentally ill and otherwise homeless people. It costs the taxpayers $100,000 a year to keep someone in prison, this doesn’t include the huge legal fees the government must pay so they can employ judges and prosecutors. This money could be spent on police reform and tackling serious crimes, like gangs, mass murderers, rapists, abusers, pedophiles and serial killers.

Focusing on the people who sell drugs to pay for their own habits and even the people that buy them, while their supplier just replaces them is a huge waste of time and money. Violent crime and sexual abuse need to take priority over noise complaints and kids in trouble for smoking weed. That criminal record can impact their future employment, leading to poverty which circles back to crime.

We don’t need an militarized police force that protects property over people and has incredibly low hiring standards considering that they are able to use and abuse lethal and non-lethal weapons. The public fear them but don’t respect them. They are corrupt, many break the law consistently and they often take out their anger on whomever is unlucky enough to fall into their hands.

So fire the lowest level of cops. Retain those with ten years experience or specialized training in forensics. Fire the enforcers and raise the requirement to seven years university education. Personal and psychological reviews should be mandatory every six months to a year. Internal affairs must be replaced and they must purge the ranks of excessively violent or racist police. They must be ruthless and independent from mainstream law enforcement.

If their job is so serious that people could die then they need to keep their standards high when selecting officers. As they swear to uphold the law they should be punished more severely than civilians for breaking it. They must sign an agreement allowing for increased penalties to acknowledge that with their privileges come responsibilities. The current system is insular, they protect their own and function just like an organized crime group. They don’t punish their fellow officers even if they empty their guns into mentally ill teens or little black kids.

With seven years of education and a job on the line, as well as increased sentencing for breaking laws they swore to enforce they would be less likely to abuse their positions. The amount of time and effort they put in to become officers will weed out those who are joining for a salary and benefits or because they want to feel more powerful carrying a gun from the ones that are genuinely devoted to protecting and serving the public. It can be paid for with the money saved from our currently overtaxed legal system, and tuition could either fund the police or be free.

We’d have less officers, and we’d have to increase their salary to one fit for people who put their lives on the line in defence of the state. In my opinion one excellently trained and intelligent officer is worth more than five cops that don’t even understand the laws they arbitrarily enforce just to get off on beating some homeless hippy kid. Right now we have a surplus of officers that cause more death, more crime, more pain and more suffering than most petty criminals do. Most addicts and muggers haven’t even fired a gun, but they are treated with contempt by a state sanctioned organization that murders and oppresses the poor and the vulnerable.

No one trusts the police anymore. They don’t have neighbourhood cops anymore and rotate out of an area every two years which is not enough time for them to know the community. Reports of police brutality occur almost daily now, often supported by video evidence. The current organization is not effective and its hands are stained with blood. We need police reform worldwide, though this mainly describes the U.S. and Canada.

It should take just as much time to gain the ability to take a life as it does to save them. With such short training they often panic and more people are killed by police bullets than terrorists each year in North America. Who is the real enemy? The one over the sea or the cop who empties his clip, killing or paralyzing bystanders, even children. They might be trained in how to use a weapon, but what they don’t learn is when to use them. We both literally and figuratively pay the price. More police won’t help the situation but better trained and educated cops will.

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addiction, free verse, independent, literature, Uncategorized

Dystopia 2018

Jack London warned us, then Huxley & Orwell, Ginsberg, Kurt Vonnegut, Anthony Burgess, Phillip K. Dick, Hunter S. Thompson, Lydia Lunch and Warren Ellis to name just a few. Even I warned about it, for the past eleven years. Born into the last generation that will remember what things were like before everything changed, before the world went digital, before cellphones were popular, right before the internet, years before social media and just prior to the collapse of the Soviet Union. Despite all the warnings progress for profit pushed on & now we’re all hooked up like IV lines to our phones & internet. Most people don’t notice, some don’t care & some see it, hate it but can’t pull the plug. We are living in A Brave New world, its 13 o’clock, year of Our Ford 1984, computers & phones can listen to us, pretend to be off while recording. We have pain rays and devices that can map out the interior of a house from the street. Facial recognition, biometric data. Our internet history is logged, locations pinpointed, advertisements targeted. Cameras film nearly every street, bystanders film everything else. Cars can be hacked into and controlled remotely. There are reports of technology that can transfer thought into sound. I wish these were just conspiracy theories but it looks as though true privacy is going to become a relic of the past unless you choose to entirely disconnect yourself from society. If you want to see a dystopian society most of us just need to walk out our doors. Designer drugs, fluorescent fashion, widespread addiction to drugs, porn and technology, constant surveillance, wilfully provided private information shared with multiple parties, increasing violent attacks by disaffected youths. A police service that protects their own interests at society’s expensive & serve as a kind of corporate paramilitary. They protect windows from being smashed and pepper spray unarmed protesters. Property uber alles. We’re in the shadow of the Iron Heel, spiralling into ignorance & indifference. The iron fist is closing around the Western world, though we can still escape its grasp now, each day the grip gets stronger.

Jack Blare, 2018

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alternative, independent, literature, Lydia Lunch, Uncategorized

Ban Anti Trans Camps

A new trend has come to the ultra far left. While Russia unveils its new nuclear arsenal & far right groups gaining momentum worldwide the Radical Feminist Movement is now going to war with the trans community. Firstly, I thought radical feminists were pro-choice as in a person’s body belongs to them and shouldn’t be regulated by law. While the term mainly refers to abortions is it not any persons right to wear whatever clothes they desire, to take hormones should they so choose? I was told trans people are “playing dress up” because they’re “afraid to be gay”

This is where it gets interesting. I was debating a self-professed radical feminist & LESBIAN who was spreading this propaganda. I asked about intersex people and was not given an answer. She then told me that trans people just have a mental illness that needs to be corrected at certain facilities. Do you see the irony of a lesbian saying that? Not only are there no existing legitimate psychological therapies to deal with “gender dysmorphia” but the idea of these trans re-education camps is exactly the same thinking that created those “Pray the Gay Away” camps, notorious for their suicide rates & total failure. The most ironic part is that 60 years ago homosexuality was in the same Psychiatric Diagnostic manual.

The activists of Stonewall would be ashamed. They united against the common threat of oppression. I didn’t think I’d see the day when lesbians would discriminate against trans individuals. If gender is a social construction then refer to people using proper pronouns. I have’t heard the other side, they definitely aren’t as vocal but anyone desiring to send people  to trans re-education camps needs to see the parallels between that and the Southern Christians who abhor homosexuality. The DSM, the diagnostics book for western psychiatry changes over time to fit the times and incorporate new information. Homosexuality and masturbation were removed, why not gender dysphoria?

What if these people gain political power? Will they ban prescription hormones and have North Korea style detention centres? They won’t, radicals never do in Canada, but in America anything goes. No Charter of Rights and Freedoms. I don’t know if any of these places even exist, but this is just ridiculous and if they do become a reality I will personally campaign to shut them down. You’ve got Neo Nazis in America that hate you, KKK, and the world’s new emerging superpower has banned it in all of Russia. In Poland the largest far-right gathering in decades took place. I see people as individuals, not as groups. I try to debate and get an argument with personal attacks. If you did that in university you’d be out the door. I believe that everyone is equal and deserves the freedom to speak, worship or dress as they please. Our bodies should not be government regulated. Meaning we can do with them as we choose.

Slow reader?

Radical lesbian feminist suggests re-education camps for trans people in the mold of Pray the Gay away camps in the Bible Belt. She calls it a mental disorder to be cured, 60 years ago they thought that about homosexuality. Things change. This campaign of anger only further divides the fragile and fragmented left. The nazi filth will gain power, or at least weird influence while former allies squabble over stupid things. PUBLIC means everyone is welcome. If you want a segregated party then rent out some space. Its what the other extremists have to do.

Sex positivity and sex work are not evil. By characterizing them like that it makes every prostitute out to be a junkie tied to a pimp with violent customers. I know a few prostitutes personally, male & female. It is also spitting on the feminists before you who used their sexuality as a weapon. Who marched for the right to bare their breasts in public. I’m lucky enough to be friends with one of the prominent ones. Out of my current and former friends thats five prostitutes, two trans individuals, two girls that protested in support of the right to take their shirts off,  and one who has been at the vanguard of the true movement since 1977. Thats 10 friends that are now. considered anathema to the Radical Feminist Movement. How many of these people actually spoke to prostitutes and escorts?

This is in no way an attack on feminism or lesbians. This is directed at those individuals that prefer segregation-esque policies and have a poor knowledge of their own history and wish to force their beliefs on others.

Jack Blare, 2018

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independent, literature, Uncategorized

Everything in Moderation

No moderate ever blew themselves up for a cause. Never killed for their ideals or their religion. Never has there been a headline that read “moderately religious man goes on a shooting rampage, he is known to have celebrated Christmas and Easter and goes to church a few times a year” No, its always “radical muslim bomber” “White Extremists” “Radical communist” Lately its “Radical Islam” we’re supposed to be afraid of. Pff, I’m more frightened of our police shooting me than a goddamn terrorist. I believe that for the West to survive it has to undergo some serious, swift and major changes. I don’t seek to halt the inevitability of change but I want to preserve the freedoms that we’re slowly losing day to day. The freedom of what to read about, which stories are ‘trending’ every newspaper is an echo. Believing in moderation doesn’t mean you sit back and let people suffer around you. It means only fighting ‘Just Wars’ such as WWII. It means picking your battles and not alienating your allies. Because of the under 1% of practicing muslims that happened to be terrorists (ignore the fact that both ides of the Cold War bombed the hell out of the Middle East) now muslims and even Sikhs are being targeted for hate crimes. Who’s fault is that? The fucking radicals, then the bigots, then the drunken frat boys that torch a mosque. Because of those very few radical members, Islam itself is now viewed as a threat to North American values. Unless you can pull off a Hitler or Stalin and regularly keep your underlings in a state of constant fear radicalism rarely accomplishes anything but provide bad press for the larger group, who are embarrassed but unable to cut ties. What are your first thoughts on reading these phrases? Radical scientology. Radical Christian sect. Radical guerrilla forces. Radical anarchist bomber. Right-Wing Radical. Left Wing Radical. How many did you imagine holding AK47′s and wearing army fatigues? Maybe its the ASPD but I don’t think I’d throw my lot in with some group filled with constant anger, confusion & hate, I’’m not in any groups or clubs, I was in a band but they’re all busy blues the drummer is still in Peru.

Jack Blare, 2018

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free verse, independent, literature, Uncategorized

Facts, Opinions, Rights & Self Entitlement

Fact: You’re entitled to your own opinion and to voice said opinion.

Fact: An opinion not supported by these is either subjective or incorrect, meaning its worthless. Subjective: I like vanilla ice cream. Objective: North Africa,specificallythe Barbary Coast was the centre of the African and European save trades, long after it was banned by the British Empire or the United States.

Fact: Being righteously offended, whether the insult was perceived to be or directed at you is not a human rights violation. Being offended is a privilege enjoyed by those lucky few of us who live in nations that tolerate their citizens talking back.

Example A) Dreadlocks are cultural appropriation from the “black” culture.

A quick search of history proves that dreadlocks were worn by ancient Celts, Greeks, Hindus and people with long hair. Furthermore claiming a hairstyle as a part of “black” (in this case African American) culture is a gross oversimplification. Dreadlocks are only symbolic to Rastafari culture in the West. Not all black people are Rastafarian. It is a religion almost unique to Jamaican expats and Jamaicans themselves. Emperor Haile Selassie of Ethiopia was a firm member of the Eastern Orthodox Church. Haiti was the first black republic, dreadlocks are not symbolic there anymore than wearing a cross is here and most ancient African cultures seem to have cut their hair in response to the heat . Most glaringly excluded and overlooked is Africa’s huge black Muslim population, who again have nothing to do with dreadlocks yet are black and thus African Americans presume to speak for them. Its comparable to saying that eating sushi is only for asian cultures, ignoring landlocked nations like Cambodia or Laos, or that the Irish are known for their bullfighting skills and olive groves because Spain is also part of Europe and they do that there. So before you claim anything as belonging solely to white or black people, ask yourself if you are accurately portraying the feelings of all Rastafarian, African American, African or Caribbean people, or all Europeans, half-euorpeans and expats.

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alternative, free verse, improvisation, literature, mortal, Uncategorized

DSM IV

Just like one line or one shot was supposed to kill me? Had a better chance of outliving half of all smokers, & that was when I was mixing coke & smack. Of course coke and smack wouldn’t have rat poison in them if you knew your dealer but every drag you take is chock full of delicious arsenic & benzene. I mean I shot speedballs dozens of times a day hoping to end it al in a glorious sleep from which I never wakel & half you lazy, hazy buggers get a slow, horrible way out, impotent, holes in the throat the type of cough that never shuts off. The warning is on every box but still I am the one who’s going to be stealing your meds while you struggle to swallow them. Don’t worry, I’ll never teach a friend to shoot. I really don’t care either way, I just can’t stand the gas-nosed, coke sniffing, self-methylating & speedballing with the one downer you never ever mix health trip. Ten years, half on the needle. Even the shittiest hard drugs are better than the best mass-manufactured bottle of beer & box of smokes. Like stats? Half of all smokers will die because they smoke. Combined between IV smack heads & speedballers I still got an extra 12%, more pleasure than you could handle without puking & dram keys to new dimensions and I don’t even want to be here tomorrow. I’ve had cigarettes, smack, ice, blow, nitrous & weed. What’ve you got? A 30 second head rush & a tiny dopamine trigger gives you a chemical pat on the head? No real rush, no right red blooming from the veins, no 5 4 3 2 1 7 the subway train hits the station. Jesus son? More like Jesus’ daddy. Not young no more. Poor cousin 18 years my senior left behind two kids after a few days against cancer. Odds are that old age is a thing of the past.

We’re all beautiful and immortal when we’re dead!

I’m Johnson! I’m Jones! I’m Hank the First, Hendrix, Janis & Jim.

I’m Kurt’s used spoon. Death makes us immortal.

What? I thought you liked danger. I always fell for the ones that dressed bad all in black, ripped jeans booze & anything you’d do I would JoanJett’s, Brody Dalle’s Patti Smiths… Lydia Lunch’s

Punk Rock Virgin Mary Magdalene’s & I was just a virgin carpenter.

Teens like the idea of rebellion. I was a stay at home loser who found

Themselves used to a dull personality in lines of white,

In coloured pills & needles.

No one else but Jake n’ Mikey had it in them.

If you’re going to do it go all the way, or stick to the plan.

9-5 pay taxes, drink to sleep all week, do blow to stay up all weekend.

Rinse & repeat.

Quiet & peace until you look like a joke out wasted with your single best friends & you chose it. Mix it up, take a girls, take a boy, pick a fight,

But every mainline is a round in Russian Roulette.

Hoping each shot will be the one to shut these people up.

If you’re might not die then you’re not living.

I see my cocaine & raise it 24mg of hydro.

My bird’s heart is flying north & fleeing south at the same time.

Flag, thick red vein blood push, too wired for tired to strung out to care.

One ends another gets prepped, I add an ampule of liquid midozolam,

Handful of beezo pills, old OC & some free Montreal speed.

I wonder if death will be the only cure for this dull night.

Getting buzzed, stoned, intoxicated was boring by the time I was legal.

Each hit should be enough to kill yourself, each failure is just another chemical in the chamber, fentanyl & ice.

Death walks by three times daily.

I feel pity for the ones invested in TV & pop music who want more than

Just rehashed resin.

I used to think Bob Was crazy for quitting Sonic Youth.

Found out he quit, & yes Lydia is a far better kisser according to B.B.

Who’s been in NYC since the factory days.

When I found Dylan the Velvets & Patti were the next to blow my mind.

Then Sonic Youth Death Valley’69 Lydia’s demented orgasmic blood curdling shrieks.

Sonic Youth went indie-grunge trying to get their favour back for taking Nirvana on tour in ‘91.

The Year Punk Broke, directed by a teenaged Dave Markey, an acquaintance now.

It broke because SY had the talent, Nirvana had the soul.

Meanwhile in the dirty downtown NYC clubs where this music is at home

Pussy Galore, Boss Hog, Jon Spencer’s Blues Explosion, Chrome Cranks, 8-Eyed Spy, Lydia & Rowland. These Immortal Souls.The Contortions, Suicide, Richard Hell, Robert Quine, Swans. SY went major label & Pussy Galore choose a name that ensured they never would. Murray Street or Orange? The Cramps, Chrome Cranks, Royal Trux & The Gun Club make post Bert SY’ look like Pink Floyd sans Syd. Good, but almost too good, too polished & polite. SY is with Hole, Lydia’s with R.S.H. I can’t listen to Goo anymore other than Lee’s songs.

Lydia interviewed Thurston one of man times & opened with “So, whats it like to be a pop star?” he just laughed. He knew better than to engage. They left their VU/Stooges roots behind to Croon Karen Carpenter covers with Sgt. Moore in complete command of every overproduced note. He shoulda stuck with Bisi. Most sampled producer of all time and most people don’t even know he exists and still works for reasonable fees, if the work is worthy of the man who did Bad Moon Rising, Evol & Shotgun Wedding.

Change your opinion if you want but at least have the guts to admit you were wrong.If I get charged ten bucks to see a concert I am gonna go anywhere on the floor I fucking please. I waded through pits malnourished & 90 lbs. If she wanted all the guys to the back then she should’ve charged them $5 each. When Grazhdanskya Oborona had to rotate members because they were being executed or sentenced to ten years in the Soviet Gulag their shows were about standing together against real oppression. Often they were just PWYC. They recorded on the run from the KGB on old x-ray prints. Kathleen Hanna grew into her fame at the height of western economic global power and the insinuation that girls all too small or not tough enough to be in the front of the pit is sexist in and of itself. Some of the roughest bruises I’ve got have been from passionate punk girls in the pit. They didn’t need the singer to tell them where they could go. Its a punk show, anyone gives orders you tell em to fuck off. And come on, marries a Beastie Boy after losing Kurt to Courtney? Courtney wrote better songs. ‘Suck my left one’ is tough and catchy in a fuck you kind of way but Asking For It? Cake? Jennifer’s Body? Violet? Pretty on the Inside? “They say I’m plump, but I throw up all the time!” Donita Sparks wasn’t perpetually pissed off so I could listen to her points (Points Patti, Excene & Lydia had been making since 76′ When Lydia had to turn tricks to stinking old cab drivers just to get home from a gig.

I am a musician & poet and if you pay for the ticket you take the ride. No pricing. How did she check anyway? Strip searches? Thats not punk its reactionist headline fishing & she knew it. Then acted like the mistres of the scene. Joan Jett? Blondie? Teenage Jesus, 8-eyed Spy, Shotgun Wedding all came first as well as most of Smith’s musical catalog.  Ironically Sublime’s Date Rape helped many women come forward because before that song they didn’t even know it was ok to say no. Overplayed, no Suck My Left One, but it helped girls sleep easier at night. I aint saying girls aren’t still oppressed, but money & oppression go hand in hand. The old blues singers used to hang with kids like Lou Reed & Sterling Morrison, shooting smack & getting into knife fights in orchestra recording studios. (my grandma went on a date with the dinner, His Grace, Duke Ellington in the late forties. She could also hit a bird from a moving convertible with a revolver so people kept their whispers down. Hanna was white straight and married to a member of the highest selling rap group of the entire 1980′s, she’s living off of Fight for Your Right to Party while her still-living forerunners struggle to make a buck to fix their equipment for another show. No shoutout to Weny O. Williams who did it 25 years earlier as a non-white girl. How about Poison Ivy from The Cramps? Janet Weiss of Quasi & Sleater Kinney? Distillers were a bit later but they were punk & feminist as fuck. Every singer wants a gimmick and hers was shirtless shows (also.. plasmatics late70′s…) with simple slogans & girls to the front because I aint tall or big, most I weighed was maybe 125 and the 25 is gone. I’m not gonna give away money to not see or hear a show that the band doesn’t want me at. L7 used to party with Mudhoney. That sounds way better than paying to hear the conversations at the bar. ‘cause we aint all big and tough, you’re doin to me what you didn’t like them doing to you then go on to sing on feminist classics like American Idiot.

Love em or hate ‘em NOFX  had a great way to sun things up with only a few words. “Kill the rockstars? How ironic, Kathleen. You’ve been crowned the newest queen.” –Thanks so much & thanks for all the shoes.

There’s a new golden rule to the old scene, don’t be an asshole & don’t act like you’re any better than whoever is using the mic. At least three of my favourite musicians are trans. If someone doesn’t mean to offend you if you let it go you’d be surprised what you learn. You like feminism & punk? Grunge? No Wave? Alexisovacidland, Christine IX, ECSTATICS, The Simple Pleasure, Cellular Chaos, Admiral Grey, Skinny Girl Diet, Chicken Snake, Family in Mourning, Featherz Brutal Measures, Melt Banana, D.N.A. Mars, Ikue Mori, Boss Hog, Blacksquares, Girls Rituals,  even Wolf Lane has 3 regular female members. All released good recordings within three years If it their genitals not their art you care about though, just watch porn with the sound off & a single bikini kill CD, or start your own band and put weight behind your words if this don’t satisfy. I’m not trying to be an asshole but I will anyway. Last week I found out my cousin had leukaemia, same thing that killed my dad. They were both gone before I could register how bad things were. Mike Hudson of the Pagans, a musical and life mentor left facebook for two days. Died within hours of diagnosis. Imagine that. You get an hour to live & you feel too sick to care. A lot of dogs will die without homes now that Mike isn’t there for them anymore. A giant post bitching that life is too short to bitch over petty disagreements & too long when it needs to end. Sick sad tired xmas eve. No sleepy black cat to see when I awake. I remember each happy young Christmas like I’m being forced by a burning brand, my own seal of guilt. Christmas is when innocence dies. Two people just seems so empty and hollow. I miss my forest nymph poetess, naked deep in the heart of nature, dipping her bare toes in the warm water of a nearby spring, breasts ripe and delicious as exotic fruits. Her presences glows & grows & her smile is epidemic.

Will I ever be anything more to her

Than a friend?

Not just a friend… it goes deeper literally and metaphorically.

We love each other, but is my hard heart valued the same in her eyes

I love to make love, the women everywhere are beautiful, but they can’t see anything but their own reflections. ( have no eyes for anyone in this dull town.) not that I think I have much of a reflection with reflections of reflections.

But I lay awake wondering, tossing turning, fantasizing.

the memory of you tying beads around my naked throat

We’re both writers, loners, odd. I love it about you.

In a real relationship you can sit in silence, wrapped together in a blanket

And not talk for hours & it feels fine.

I can’t help myself around her, I get tender & romantic

Or rough & dirty, go to bed “early” and

Eight hours later we can barely stop ourselves,

Drifting in and out of dreams & sleepy seductions.

We like the same books, poems, records, positions.

I tried to novocaine my heart but six years & I still feel.

I spend hours writing about it, the poems carry me away

Down past the dying light of day.

Jack Blare, 2018

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